Top Ten Most Hardcore Games of All Time

Sometimes when you want to test your mettle as a gamer nothing but the most hardcore intense experience will give you the adrenaline rush you're looking for. So if you've walked out of Black Mesa without a scratch, tea-bagged an army of Master Chiefs, and sent every Nazi and Nazi zombie straight back to hell, this list is for you. We've compiled a list of the 10 most extreme games ever to ever hit gaming, they'll chew you up and spit you out, leaving you crying for your mommy.

10. Katamari Damacy (PS2): Katamari puts the ultimate power of the gods in your hands, you create the very cosmos! You're tasked with taking your studded sphere of mayhem onto the earth rolling over everything in your path and crushing it into a sick twisted melange of debris, broken dreams, and lost souls. The Prince lets nothing stand in the way of his gruesome tasks, not the humans begging for their lives or the animals crying out in pain. Once you've collected enough of the detritus of earth, your grim collection is callously tossed into the sky. This macabre mass becomes the next burning star or wandering planet, with no regard for the victims are still visibly struggling to break free. Worse still, even if the prince fails in his duties, our hapless earth dwellers are given no respite, as the unimaginably evil so-called "King of All Cosmos" shoots them into meaningless star dust before sending you back out on your grisly collection quest until you get the job right.

These poor bastards never had a chance.

9. Tetris Attack(SNES): Terrifying stars, ass-whoopin' hearts, extreme rhombi, you name it, this killer's got it. Using your Panel Annihilation Device, you swap those bastards back and forth until you force three together, the resulting explosion so devastating, bits of star and heart guts fly almost right off the screen. If that weren't enough to have you on your knees, begging your God for mercy, blocks with grimacing faces slam down on top of your stack. These titans imposing their dark will on your helpless panels following devastating combo attacks from your  terrifying opponents ranging from hideous, earless dogs to one very pissed off butterfly. Only the toughest SOB's in the world will come out of this game in one piece.

It's like Lucky Charms on steroids.

8. Pac-Man 2 (Genesis/SNES): Pac-Man returns in this vicious sequel to the brutal original, and he's kicking more ass than ever before. The game starts off with infiltrating a rotting farm to rip the milk right out of a cow, and our little yellow badass continues the debauchery from there. He scales a gigantic mountain of death and braving ungodly horrifying ghosts in an attempt to pick a wildflower for little Suzy.  As you press on into the dark and dirty streets Pac-Man will do the most intense skateboarding  you'll see outside of the X Games, Find the sweetest electric guitar in Pac-land, and  the most thrilling death-defying Arial acrobatics we've seen on hang glider since Pilot Wings.  And that's only the beginning, the carnage only grows from there! The game culminates in a show down at the most horrifying place on earth, the gum factory! You've got to hit the ground running in this thriller that could arguably be called one of the most suspenseful games of all time.

Pac-Man is ready to lay the smack down.

7. Animal Crossing(Gamecube): Nintendo is well known for its profanity-laced and gory games, but Animal Crossing just may be the definitive title of the company's commitment to badassary. You're new in town and get taken for a ride by  local "businessman" Tom Nook, instantly finding yourself deeply in debt and forced into doing Tom's business. From making "deliveries", to posting "messages" in the town square, to doing a little "planting", you're in deep. But even after you've freed yourself from Nook's debt you're still scouring the town and sometimes even shaking down it's residents for goodies you sell to Tom Nook for top-bell. If you don't play by the rules, you'll find yourself visited by the town's "enforcer",  Resetti, who doesn't merely threaten to break your legs, he threatens to erase your whole life. You'll find yourself doing anything to make those sweet sacks of jinglers and ultimately survive, be it pulling rusted cans from the river, being a courier for your animal clients or using the mail in ways you never thought possible, your adrenaline is always pumping in this thrilling title where it's just you against one bad, nasty town.

Tom Nook's not running a freakin' charity here

6. Mario is Missing(SNES): A quest around the world turns into a quest into hell for Luigi as he tries to track down his brother Mario who's gone missing under mysterious circumstances. Luigi finds himself face to face with the sleazy chicks and big studs roaming the mean streets of Paris, Rome, and Beijing. They're been watching and they're waiting for him. They're primed and ready to pounce, educating your sorry ass on any number of horrifying ancient artifacts before turning you back out onto the mean streets. Surviving these encounters is only the first step, so you'd better hope those facts were beat into you because only a grueling quiz will allow you to continue your search. If you fail you've got to restlessly hit the streets again until you "learned your lesson". History isn't here to repeat itself, this time it's just here to kick your ass.

Luigi has to separate the double talk and code words from the truth.

5. Mario Paint: Painting. Animation. Music Composing. Flyswatting. Arguably four of the most hardcore activities ever conceived by our sick ancestors collide in a fiery explosion of utter chaos with a Marioesque twist. Using pens, spray cans, flood filling and even more devastating tools, the player splatters a image on the screen with such reckless abandon, it's a wonder how they manage to stay upright. The truly insane will take it to the next level, stringing together their unholy imagery, using what can only be described as the blackest of magic,  to make it MOVE before their very eyes! If they get through the animation alive, it's time to put some music together, using cats, tugboats, baby heads and even more diabolical objects to concoct a frenetic cacophony that stretches the very limits of extreme. The perverse technology utilized in this maddening title allows you to take that painted image, take that animation, take that song you created and put it all together in one messy, dripping, hanging-off-the-bone collaboration of utter chaos that's certain to destroy the senses of even the most hardened gamers. And you haven't even gotten to the game where you swat bugs, yet.

Mario Paint? More like MARIO PAIN!

4. Barbie's Vacation Adventure(SNES/Genesis): One would think a game about a super model would deal with the horrors of eating disorders, drug addictions or sleazy industry insiders. But the early Barbie games eschew those stereotypes and bring you even more edgy fare. From Navigating the twisted world of Barbie's dreams in Barbie on the NES, to watching American's first badass woman claw her way to the top of the Fashion World, in Barbie's Super Model. None of the titles are for the feint of heart, but for the true badasses among us, Barbie's vacation adventures kicks things up a notch. This title opts for an expose of what happens when a super model is left alone in the backwaters of America. From the unsettling Deliverance-esque setting of the Iowa county fair where Barbie is watched silently by unseen farmers as she's forced to run after a loose pig in order to gain admittance to their "carnival games"  where she must win the freedom to move on. To her terrifying experiences in the dark and menacing woods of Wyoming where she's attacked by wildlife tossed into a powerful rushing stream, left cold, wet and frightened. When Barbie manages to escape back to her California Mansion the Nightmare deepens when she's faced with a clearly demon-possessed Ken who speaks only in riddles, and enters and exits rooms in ways that can only be attributed to dark powers. Once she's bested Ken's mind games, you're rewarded with a series of unexplained still shots leaving you with a myriad unanswered questions, but too scared to draw your own conclusions.

I bet I can make ya squeal like a piggy

3. Reel Fishing (PS1): The unbridled INTENSITY of brooks, ponds, and the big daddy of all fresh-water angling - THE LAKE can be matched only by the extreme monsters that live in these intense environments, THE FISH!! In Reel fishing, these swimming demons didn't care who you are or where you came from. If you come to their water with a pansy stick and weak thread, you'll lose your bait, your hook, and your dignity. The Char are sinister, the bass are brutal, and the cutthroat trout are just plain bad. At times you can't tell if you're fishing or fighting in a prison riot. All of this mayhem is set to a KILLER soundtrack that will kick your sorry ass even harder than the bitterling!

The true face of evil

2. Seasame Street 1-2-3: Ernie's Magic Shapes and Asro Grover (NES): This cartridge gives you a double shot of power with 2 hardcore games stuffed into one package. Think you know a square when you see it? Think circles are something to sneeze at? Well tough guy, Grand Wizard Ernie's got a few trapezoids for your punk ass, and if you're not careful this manic magician's gonna stick 'em right where the sun don't shine. And whatever left of you certainly won't have a chance in hell of crafting that train. So if triangles have a way of making a wuss out of you, perhaps you should try your luck with with the numbers, courtesy of Spaceman Grover. Astro Grover is like a mathematical punch to the face. Counting little green men might seem easy enough for you, but try developing a ghetto city-block with the power of math alone. You'd better have your head screwed on right, because if you fail to count 7, let me tell you buddy, your luck's run out. That moon over the city does not tolerate failure and not even NASA can save you from a run in with the Lunar Lunatic.

YOU GONNA GET IT!

1. Flower (PS3): Only a Hardcore system like the PS3 could bring you the most hardcore game the world has ever seen. In flower you control one of the most destructive forces on earth, the wind. Flower is for hardcore gamers only, so it doesn't mess around giving you a bunch of needless instructions or text to read. You pull yourself up by the bootstraps and forge your own way through the game's harsh environment as you learn to harness the deadly power of nature. You start by using your power of the gales to tear apart every flower  ripping off their petals and leading them on a death march through desolate fields, past terrifying turbines and culminating in ripping through a decrepit cityscape. Flower's intelligent soundtrack changes tone and intensity with every heart-pounding, anxiety inducing move you make, adding a layer of extreme intensity like nothing you've experienced before. You might think you're a gamer but no amount of experience PvP sniping, Zombie Killing, alien dismembering or street hustling can prepare you for Flower.

Make those whirling blades of death dance!

So this April 1st challenge yourself to earn your gamer cred by playing one of the above games and go down in history as one of gaming's hardcore legends.


~Stephanie and Richard


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Collection Oddities: Sailor Moon Princess Chibiusa Flu Mask

 This is one of those things that's odd in it's practically. It's a completely utilitarian useful item made crazy with weird branding. So here is the official Sailor Moon Chibiusa Flu Mask:

 This is an officially licensed item from Korea, but seems like it ought to be a bootleg. We have a LOT of crazy Sailor Moon stuff, but this is one of the strangest. Flu Masks are pretty ubiquitous all over Asia during cold and flu season,  but they're usually the white variety or occasionally have a little pattern on them. This one lets you have all the Princess Chibiusa in the middle of your face which is a little weird. It's a child sized mask, a very small child sized mask, so we can't just put it on and show you how strange looking it is.

On the upside it's got a princess Chibiusa on it and there aren't many items which feature her. It's pretty unique too, we've only seen 3 of these. It's probably a good thing though a sea of these things would be creepy.

~Stephanie

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Collection Oddities: Sailor Moon North American Travel Kit

This is another one of those items that is really at it's core a sensible item. It's the Sailor Moon branding that makes it weird. This is a North American Travel Kit:

Sailor Moon Says: Cleanliness is next to Scoutliness

This includes everything you might need for a short overnight, all branded with the Sailor Moon logo. Runny nose? Don't worry these Sailor Moon facial tissues will banish them like a Negaverse* creep! (*this is a North American release might as well use the dub terms). Snarls in your hair? You've got your choice of a cheap plastic brush or cheap plastic comb to punish them in the name of the moon!  Or, perhaps my favorite part though is the official Sailor Moon travel soap which comes with it's own Sailor Moon soap holder. It's still sealed so we didn't open it to check if the soap itself is also emblazoned with the logo, but I feel like it probably is.

I mean I get I guess if I was at the store and had to buy a child's travel kit I might have picked the cartoon branded one to try to encourage them to clean. But if that's the motivation, shouldn't it maybe have included a colorful recognizable character or two instead of just the logo everywhere. Logos are recognizable, but not fun or particularly interesting to most children. It seems like this was mostly more of the extremely lazy branding that plagued 80% of the North American merchandise brought out for Sailor Moon. On the other hand, Sailor Moon Soap. It's hard to argue with that.


 ~Stephanie

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Collection Oddities: Sailor Moon Bubble Blower Version 2.0

If you've check out our oddities posts before you'll know that we've done a Sailor Moon Bubble blower before. This is a Sailormoon World bubble blower, making it a bit newer than our StarS bubble blower.  Is it new and improved? Let's find out:

 We haven't taken it out of the package so we can't say if it's functionally better, but we can see right off the bat that it comes with it's own bubbles which is an improvement from the old model. This one isn't electronic, you have to blow it like an old school bubble pipe. So it's less technologically advanced, but no batteries to worry about, I'm not sure whether or not that counts as improvement, so we'll just say it's different for now. There is some assembly required, the figure comes separately from the bubble maker and you have to put it on yourself like a sucker. Our other bubble maker has a preattached figure, no fuss no muss. Though according to the back of the package, this figure can be used as a pencil topper when you're done. So we'll still count that as an improvement. Speaking of the back lets check it out:

I have to wonder about that stamp? Is it the date for maximum bubble freshness?

So from looking at the illustrations and ignoring all the Japanese characters I can't read( 99.9% of them) it seems that item uses both water and bubble solution to function and a fun wheel mechanism. Also, contains the ever popular, do not become Pacman while using this item warning. The Japanese seem to be preoccupied with people becoming Pacman, was there some sort of epidemic of this I'm not aware of?

Overall this bubble maker is a lot different than our other one, not just in looks, but in functionality as well. So perhaps it was aimed at people who wanted more of a role in their bubble production? Maybe parents who didn't want their children taking the lazy path of push button bubbles? It's hard to say. though it does beg the questions just how many Sailor Moon bubble makers are out there? and just how many bubble makers does one series need?

~Stephanie

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Collection Oddities: Sailor Moon Lint Roller

 Even when you've been collecting Sailor Moon for a long time, like say 14 years or so, you can still be consistently amazed with the weird stuff they made for the series, like this:

In the name of the moon I punish Lint!

The official Sailor Moon lint roller. It's hard to see but the Toei Seal is on it, so it's an officially licensed Japanese crack product. Tired of that pesky Luna Hair mussing up your Sailor fuku? Or perhaps Artemis has been laying on your School uniform? No problem Sailor Moon has got you covered. It's collapsible and purse sized too so in case one of those pesky Lemures that terrorized the SuperS season left a stray hair or some unidentified fuzz, you can still look fabulous.

Seriously though, this is some pretty lazy item integration, the only thing that really makes it Sailor Moon related is that cheap looking sparkly sticker on the front. The could have at least screen printed a logo on it or something. Though I suppose I was going to make something so gloriously random to hope it boosted sales, I probably wouldn't try that hard either.

We've never seen another one of these, so it's probably fairly rare. However, it's one of those things that proves that rare doesn't always mean desirable. Sure we like it for how ridiculous it is, but I can't imagine too many people feel this represents a Must-Have piece for their collection.

~Stephanie

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Collection Oddities: German Sailor Moon Squeaky Toy

 Sailor Moon was massively popular all around the world and as a result there are some country exclusive items that were made in smaller numbers than any of the US or Japanese merchandise. Germany's Igel company released quite a lot of this small run, unique merchandise including dolls, plushies, figures and some other weird things.

This is somewhere between figure and weird thing:

                                                The Official Sailor Moon Squeaky Toy:

When we bought this we had no idea it was a squeaky toy we just thought it was a cute concept, kneeling moon and inquisitive Luna on a crescent moon base. When it arrived from Germany, we found it was made of soft squishy rubber instead of PVC plastic like we were expecting. Strange sure, but we were more interested in how it unfortunately seemed to have been painted by a very talented factory working who under normal circumstances would have made a beautiful figure, but was drunk while detailing ours. Naturally the not-so-stellar paint job was disappointing, but  it's nothing too odd in Sailor Moon collecting.

At some point we flipped the figure over and found the oddity. We noticed that there was a little hole in the bottom. A little hole that looks suspiciously like the holes in the bottom of our dog's squeaky toys. After a brief moment of disbelief at the concept we gave it a little squeeze...

Squeak Squeak

This left us both amused and dumbfounded. It's not like they just made a toy out of rubber and it happened to squeak as a result, there is a squeaker in it. Meaning at some point while this was being conceived there was a conscious decision made to enable a Sailor moon figure to squeak. Leaving us left to ponder for what or for whom is this item intended?  Is it a Sailor Moon toy for your dog?  For your Baby? Or did Igel just believe that Sailor Moon Fans everywhere were yearning to make squeaky noises? We thought perhaps the tag might give us a little insight into this mystery of who this toy was intended for, but what we found wasn't helpful.

The image might be kind of hard to read, but it says:
  
Mondstein flieg und sieg  

Which if you don't know German Translates to "Moonstone fly and victorious" at least according to both types of translation software we used on it. Which doesn't clear up any questions as to why there's a Sailor Moon Squeaky toy, but does present a host of new question regarding that Slogan. (In case you're curious the back side of the tag just has copyright information which is strangely in English). I suspect the slogan is probably just something that doesn't translate well, but we are looking at a Squeaky Toy after all. Maybe the whole thing is some sort of elaborate plot meant  to confuse. It's hard to say.


Some mysteries probably won't be solved in our lifetimes and for now we'll count this item and it's slogan among them.

It's mysterious, it's odd, and it's squeaky. We're thrilled to get to share it with you.

For those of you really really interested we have higher quality photos in our Flickr account.

~Stephanie


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The strangest Sailor Moon bootleg ever, Jupiter Skateboard Water Toy

 Last night we lost an auction for quite possibly the oddest Sailor Moon bootleg ever. Now granted there's a whole host of crack Sailor Moon Items both official like this vanity, and not so official, like this crazy pencil box. But this thing really goes a step beyond:

 Judging by the seller's description and the photo, it's apparently a skateboard with water game embedded in a color confused Sailor Jupiter's stomach with "Baby" thrown on it for extra flair...

Just think about the many facets of that for a second. First someone had to think up the concept of a water game skateboard, and then decide to put  a knock of Sailor Senshi on it. How/when/why does that come up? Worse yet how to someone else then decide it's not only a perfectly reasonable idea but a perfectly reasonable idea that they should utilize factory equipment to produce?  It boggles the mind.

Normally this is just the sort of insanely stupid poorly thought out item that would we love to add to our collection, but as I noted before we lost it. We're a bit sad about that it's true, especially as we've never seen another, but it ended at $13.50 before shipping which is approximately $13 more than it's worth. While it would have had a place of pride among our other oddities, I think paying that much for such a clearly awful item, would have left us feeling a bit ashamed of ourselves so it's probably for the best. We hope the auction winner appreciates all it's oddness and awfulness and likes it as much as we would of.

~Stephanie

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Retro Review: Daria's Inferno PC

 I loved Daria when I was in high school and watched it religiously. When I got the DVD sets a few years back for my birthday, I was thrilled and commenced to do some hardcore Daria watching. This totally rekindled my love for the series and I found myself googling Daria in the vain hopes there might be something more I could be finding, watching or otherwise being entertained with. In my searches I found that there was a PC game that came out in 2000, and as a gamer and fangirl I knew I needed to get it asap. It took me awhile to track it down, but here are the fruits of my fangirling.

Introduction

Oh Joy, Oh Rapture a completely unimportant and self indulgent review of a game no one will care about.

The Concept of Daria's Inferno is a  retelling of Dante's Inferno taking place in Daria's twisted nightmare version of  Lawndale.

Oh Joy there's more to read after the jump, I'm so happy I could cry.

Collection Oddities: Zelda Bootleg Crossbow Toy

 Let me start off by saying this is NOT an official Legend of Zelda item. It is in no way associated with Nintendo or any other company that owns a license for making Nintendo products. Normally we do not support companies or individuals who deal in "unofficial" merchandise, but occasionally we see something that's completely unlike anything available officially (often for good reason, see the Sailor Moon Car Pencil Box) and we add it to our collection.

That in mind we bring you the Crossbow Training Crossbow.

Completely Generic (wink,wink) Crossbow Training!

 Now with the above "this is a filthy dirty nasty bootleg" disclaimer in mind, you do have to give this a bit of credit. It doesn't actually have the audacity to claim it's in any way associated with the legend of Zelda franchise. It just happens to have a blonde elf like young man in a green suit on the package, who just happens to be posed similarly on the official product. Most of us have probably encountered someone's Original Character creation who looks surprisingly similar but absolutely IS NOT LINK. (Kind of like how this character absolutely NOT Vincent Valentine from FFVII) It could also just happen to use the same lettering as the official release of Link's Crossbow Training on the Wii. So it's possible that the link between this item and the Legend of Zelda franchise is all our heads...but probably not. Regardless it's time to take it out of package.

Gun + Bow = Crossbow!

So here it is in all it's glory along. Though I forgot to take a shot of it with it's "quiver" of arrows, but there's not a lot to see there, it's a piece of plastic that holds plastic arrows yay! There was some assembly required, but it mostly consisted of turning the bow part sideways and sticking it onto the gun part. There was also a piece to help keep the bow straight on the gun, but I broke mine trying it put it in. It didn't seem to effect the performance at all though.

It's made of super lightweight cheap plastic with a weathered bronze metallic finish. It has surprisingly detailed and attractive molded designs all over it. Though as a point for the "this is an original creation, completely unlike Zelda." argument, the designs look like some sort of low brow steam punk knock off rather than the Crossbow link actually uses in the game:

Link's Official Crossbow

Functionally speaking it works, but it's not great. First to set an arrow you have to hold the trigger pull back the bowstring and the release the trigger while you're holding the string back to lock it into place once you've done that you can slide the arrow in, just make sure it's completely in it's proper groove or it will split the bottom and top pieces of the gun, like you'd expect with any quality piece of craftsmanship such as this. Once you've carefully set the arrow, you have to hope that all that nonsense about arrows being useless at point blank range is completely fabricated because you have about a 5 foot range and even then it flies pretty slowly, so you'd probably have trouble taking out anything stronger than a Keese made of paper. On that note, for a crossbow "training" toy, it's conspicuously devoid of targets or other training aids, so you probably will be making those paper Keese. Or you could always shoot at your friends and loved ones provided you aim away from the face and they're willing to stand approximately 5 feet away from you.

Locked and loaded for point blank mayhem!

Overall, it's an interesting oddity, but once it's out of the package it has zero identifiable connection to the Zelda franchise or link. Leaving you with a so/so cheap plastic toy. These have been floating around eBay lately for cheap, so if you're enchanted by the novelty of a Zelda bootleg that's not just a crappy rehash of an official item, get one. For most collector's though, it's not going to be worth the space it takes up on your shelf.

~Stephanie

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Why we're not Friends with the PS3

I originally wrote this post for my personal blog, but thought a wider audience might enjoy commiserating. I also I added pretty pictures to this version.

For Christmas my mom bought us a Playstation Move in a bundle pack (the Mayhem Bundle for those who are curious) with 2 games and a gun as well as one additional game. We didn't particularly want a Move because we have a Wii that takes care of all our motion gaming needs, but we've been wanting to get the House of the Dead Overkill: Extended Cut that's PS3 only, and we like shooting digital things and it was already there, so we decided to keep it. We played the separate game, Everybody Dance,  right away after Christmas and it was fun enough, but after that initial trial run though we've been ignoring it. My Mom has been asking me if we tried the 2 bundled games yet and I've been tired of telling her no, so today while everyone else in the household was occupied and I wasn't doing anything better I decided to try one. Only that's not at all what happened.

First I had to try to set up the little Move motion camera, as we'd kind of fudged it when we used it at first. The Move it doesn't work without that so it's sort of an important part. Unfortunately because of the aforementioned Wii we already have a little gaming doodad on top of our TV See hand Illustration:

My MSN Paint Skillz are AWESOME (though I didn't actually make this in paint)

Two gaming doodads trying to be in the center of the TV just wasn't working out.  After several attempts of shifting, twist tying,  and sticky thing-ing, I admitted defeat and just sort of fudged it again by wrapping it around the Wii bar and letting it sit a little bit precariously off the TV.

My Skills are still lacking but I used a nicer arrow this time.

Then, I got out the gun. The Move Gun we have is called the sharpshooter and it is a big ugly mess of a thing.

In spite of the name probably won't help you get a high score in Hogan's Alley

It might be fine for men with longer arms and no pesky breasts in the way, but for me just trying to hold it was difficult, and gaming with it seems like it might be borderline impossible. The Wii zapper is a much much better design. In any case, in spite of my disappointment with it's size and unruliness, I decided I'd still try it in game.  I popped in the game disc and naturally because it's a PS3 game it had to update.

I was expecting this update because I think I've had maybe 1 PS3 game ever that hasn't wanted to update immediately when you put it in, it's one of my biggest peeves about the system as a whole. But this game (Resistance 3 if you're curious) had not one, not two, not even three updates it wanted, it had four mighty updates that we had to install to play the game.  If you've never had to go through this experience on a PS3, one update is usually enough to make you give up any hope of playing the game you're interested in. They've take anywhere from 15 minutes to a half hour in our experiences and that's just for one! So we decided to let it go ahead and do it's dirty downloading while we did other things. Approximately an hour and 15 minutes later, it was finally done. (Amazing that our XBOX360 also demands to update games but can do it in a fraction of the time)

Over and hour is a completely reasonable amount of time for an update download isn't it?

By this time Jen had finished the paper she was working on, and I was the one looking over it so I decided she could try the game. She wakes the controller/gun back up (they go to sleep after a period of inactivity) and navigates to the game start only to discover she has to calibrate the controller before she can start. This is normal with any motion controlled game and really a good idea, but most things let you point at the corners and center of the screen and call it a day. Not the Move, the Move wants you to swing the controller around your feet while standing on your head and facing due North...OK I may have embellished that part slightly, but it was much more involved than any other motion controller/console I've played with. So Jen tried unsuccessfully to complete calibration with the controller still strapped into the gun apparatus, naturally, it refused to work. So she took it out of the gun (not hard necessarily but still sort of involved) and finally got it to work.

So finally she starts the game again and it has to install...That's right it needs to download itself to the hard drive so we can play it which for some reason it didn't do when it was doing all that other downloading an installing. Back in my day console games ran from a disc or cartridge with very little of this crazy downloading business *shakes head*. In any case the little install bar took about 15 minutes to finish, but that alone wasn't enough then it also had to install it's trophies so we could rub in our friends faces exactly how many hours we spent killing an unreasonable amount of digital creatures in new and exciting ways and gaming isn't gaming without that!  But after about 5 minutes of the trophy loading we realize the game has frozen and that was the last straw. Jen turned off the PS3 and played GTA IV on the XBOX360 instead.

This is all we've been able to see of Resistance 3

Whenever I hear someone talking about how much they LOOOOVVVEEE their PS3, I can't help but wonder if they've ever played another console.

~Stephanie


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The Secret Life of our Sailor Moon Dolls

Have you ever wondered what your dolls are up to while you're at work or sometimes just in the next room? Well I can't speak for all dolls, but with some careful investigation we discovered that our dolls, lead active, interesting lives when they're not posing on a shelf for us. These pictures are the result.

I originally did this as a series of picture posts on twitter, they've been recollected here with a bit of additional info. In case you're wondering why there's no Sailor chibimoon and no Sailor Saturn it's because they're secret lives are so secret, even we don't know about them. (or because we don't have 6inch Japanese dolls of those two) So with that out of the way,

 

Sailor Mercury is a world renowned Star Wars Model Builder. This AT-AT model is one of her finest accomplishments.

  Sailor Venus is secretly a biker, we caught her on her way back from Sturgis.

Sailor Pluto is an accomplished equestrian, her horse is name Dusty.

 Sailor Mars is a Trekkie and spends her weekends attending Star Trek conventions, this picture marks her fourth meet and greet with Brent Spiner and Patrick Stewart.

Kino Makoto, AKA Sailor Jupiter, loves the movie Akira and started her own yearly convention.

Sailor Neptune uses intense training sessions with close personal friend Godzilla to keep her fighting edge.

Sailor Uranus Trained to be a Bounty Hunter on Spaceship Beebop in case this whole Sailor Senshi thing doesn't work out.

Usagi, AKA Sailor Moon, is really into the organic movement and grows all her own food.

And there you have it, you never know what your dolls might be up to when you're not looking.

~Stephanie


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Retro Review: Syberia PC

Syberia is 20 years old now but pretty much as soon as it was released it was considered an instead classic.


Introduction

American lawyer, Kate Walker goes to France to sign some paperwork giving a large client control of an old toy factory. When she arrives she discovers a town full of strange but beautifully intricate automatons and a half century old secret. Suddenly a one day trip to take care of a few formalities becomes a life changing adventure aboard a clockwork train  heading for the fabled island of Syberia.

Overview

Controls aren't bad, it's a point and click so there's not a whole lot of guessing or wondering how something is done. However Kate can be kind of sluggish sometimes, watching her take the stairs was particularly annoying for me but did make me nostalgic for those old PS1 adventures games that suffered the same issue. Additionally looking for the right sweet spot to make something work or pick up a necessary item got tiresome sometimes, but nothing any adventure game player shouldn't be very familiar with.

Graphically it's nice overall. The character designs are pretty consistent with the time period though their movements themselves are bit stiff. The environments are imaginative and beautifully rendered with gorgeous art-nouveau and steampunk styling throughout, even the menu is pretty. My small issue is while they're lovely, the environments are pretty flat there's usually not a lot of background activity happening and you usually only see everything from one angle.

Soundwise it's good, but not phenomenal. It's got full voice-overs which normally in a game of this type I could take or leave, but other than a few
botched accents the voice actors were very believable.The only issue there was that it was the voices were often delayed, making many conversations awkward sounding especially when one character broke into another's speech or was supposed to be startling.

The music, was well written and appropriate, but I had a problem with it's usage. Every single time you accomplished a task like turning something on or putting something together, you got a big swell of music. Which was ok the first time and maybe even the 10th time, but after that I was completely over it. It drowned out any background noise or conversation for those couple of minutes you were stuck listening to it. It at least had the decency change depending on your area, but it still got old quickly, which honestly is kind of a shame because the music was otherwise a high point.

Gameplay

As a point and click style adventure, your primary means of going through the game is talking to NPCs, finding important documents, finding random objects, using said random object with information obtained from NPCs and documents to complete a task and move on with your game. Simple classic stuff here, not too much different from the sort of things we were playing back in the eighties (King's Quest anyone?) it just looks nicer.

The exploration leaves a bit to be desired. The locations are lovely and pretty well realized, but as I noted above they're a bit flat. Most places you can only see from one angle and there isn't really a lot of room to wander around. You're always on a main path that will take you to a puzzle or objective, sightseeing off the beaten path isn't an option. Additionally, Kate often wouldn't speak to NPCs that weren't absolutely necessary, or examine and comment on her environment unless it was relevant to the story right then. This sort of thing is a huge pet peeve of mine in any adventure game, as I feel extraneous environmental details, while unimportant to storyline, add to the depth and overall feel of a game. I will say however, that in some ways this detraction is also a blessing in some ways. As I mentioned briefly above, Kate walks painfully slowly even when running. I often found myself dreading any backtracking I had to do, so having full run of the land might not be so great. On the other hand, I'm playing an adventure game because I want an adventure I can feel connected to and immersed in, not a carnival haunted house style experience on rails.

I can't discuss the puzzles in any detail without ruining things, but they're pretty easy for a veteran gamer, not so easy they insult your intelligence though. Even if you're not an experienced game adventurer, they're not so hard you find yourself wanting to send the programmers some less than complementary emails. Most solutions are either discussed somewhere or by someone or are pretty logical once you have all the required items. I only found a few places where I got stuck because the next course of action wasn't exactly logical or ever discussed, but not really anything out of the ordinary for this type of game.

The storyline is interesting and compelling, Kate spends most of the game trying to track down the mysterious heir, master automaton maker and mammoth obsessee, Hans Voralburg. Tracking Hans is no easy task as by all accounts no one has seen him for years, and some think him long dead. Her only clues are his now dead sister's notes and some of Hans' creations including a clockwork train, and Oscar the amazing automaton train conductor who's AI tends toward the neurotic with special attention paid to needless bureaucracy. The two of them encounter a large cast of colorful NPCs ranging from a hotel clerks and barge captains to a drunken astronaut and a world famous opera singer. Most of the NPC are pretty fleshed out as well with refreshingly non-archetypal personalities. Even the locations themselves have interesting and complex histories for Katie to learn about.

Kate Walker's own personality comes through surprisingly natural character development. You learn about Kate's life via a series of cell phone conversations with her mother, best friend, fiancee, and boss. A nice change from the normal "my name is ___ and here's my life story" randomly blurted out in a cutscene found in many lesser quality games. By the end of the game I found myself thinking of Kate not quite as friend, but still fondly and familiarly, like an old high school acquaintance I would like to catch up with over coffee.

They only issue with the storyline is the ending. Without ruining any details, it's abrupt, anti-climatic and clearly a lead-in to a sequel. Personally I can't stand it when game publishers (or movie makers, or novel writers) do that instead of giving you a real ending, there are ways of both giving your story and end that won't make your players feel like they wasted hours for nothing and still leave your options open for a sequel. I didn't necessarily feel like I wasted my time at the end of Syberia, but I did feel a bit cheated.

Conclusion

Syberia is a good game, it's got a nice classic feel and a unique, compelling storyline. Visually it's treat, every single object, environment and menu has been carefully and artfully designed and well rendered especially for the time period. The game isn't without it's flaws, as discussed above, but the positives outweigh them. So, if you've got a few hours to spare and are looking for a unique adventure Syberia won't disappoint.

~Stephanie

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