Collection Oddities: Vintage Mario Brothers Egg Cup

It's not a stretch to say I'll buy almost any vintage item with Mario on it (we have a similar problem with Sailor Moon).  So when I first saw one of these little beauties I knew I had to get one for my collection. A few months later I was lucky enough to find one at a price I could tolerate, thus I present you with the Mario egg cup.

Perfect for holding your scale model Yoshi eggs.

I have never in my life used an egg cup and I don't know anyone who has. They seem like one of those little relics of a bygone era like berry spoons or salt cellars, that I associate with Victorian literature and illustrations in fairy tales. Obviously though Mario doesn't fit that aesthetic and in fact I've seen several 80s icons on egg cups like Garfield and the Ninja Turtles. After a little research I discovered that it's apparently just us Americans who've relegated the egg cup to dishware of days gone by as they're still quite popular in Europe, Which shouldn't have been totally surprising to me as this is a British item. I did note few US retailers do still carry egg cups, so maybe it's just me and egg cups are normal items and I'm weirdo for having never used one.

Questions about the weirdness of an egg cup aside, there are certainly some design choice to call into question here, First off why isn't Mario with Birdo? (this was before Mario and Yoshi were BFFs so I'll give that a pass) Birdo flinging an egg at Mario would have been a perfect motif here, certainly a missed opportunity for the maker. Also "1 egg please" isn't very Mario-y, I'm not sure what would be better, but hey it's not my job to design egg cups, but if it was I'd think up something more entertaining and get paid for it.

Regardless of all of the above, it's a fun little item we enjoy having in our collection.

~Stephanie


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Not So Retro Review: Contra 4 Nintendo DS

When a gaming company attempts to put out a new version of a classic, beloved series, sometimes you just have to accept that it's not going to have that same flair your old favorites did. Sometimes you have to remember that the tried and true formula that made the original titles the masterpieces they were are going to be replaced by new and questionable features in an attempt to add freshness to an antiquated series. Sometimes you just have to accept that it's not going to be the same.

Luckily, in the case of Contra 4, that entire opening paragraph is entirely irrelevant.

If you want to run and gun, if you want to shoot up a base pseudo-3D style, if you want to search desperately for the spread shot while navigating the narrow platforms of the jungle, if you want to be irritatingly be hit by falling rocks on the way to an Alien Fortress on top of a waterfall, if you want to spend an RPG amount of time trying to survive 9 merciless stages with the brutal, console-throwingly difficult 2D gameplay that defined the late 80's and early 90's portion of your childhood, then you probably want Contra 4.

Get Psyched! Oh wait, wrong game.

Graphics:
 Graphically the game is an example of how instead of putting all of our energy into 3D rendering, we should also appreciate just how much we can do with 2D graphics in the modern era. This is a gorgeous game with very nice background visuals with some 3D effects added in nicely. The player sprites are a bit pixelated but animate very smoothly. The game doesn't suffer from intense flickering like the games of old do, which is nice because with all of the on-screen activity it's going to be hard enough to keep track of things. Artistically the game looks a lot like Contra III, which isn't surprising given how most fans loved that one the most. Many of the enemies retain their original look and the player sprites are very similar to their classic counterparts.

Alien breeding programs have eliminated the "ball arms" gene

Controls:
The controls are as responsive as they need to be and simple to get the hang off for the most part. The direction pad on the DS may give you some problems, especially when trying to shoot diagonally which may prove frustrating while you're new to the game. It's a little harder to really mash the shoot button on the DS due to the small size of the buttons and the fact that it causes the whole console to shake. By holding the R button, you can at least stand safely in place while you fire in any direction, which also allows you to fire directly downward without having to jump. If you've only played Contra and Super C with lacked this feature, that's an incredible button right there. The simplicity of Contra's controls will lead to the same problems they did in the old days, such as accidentally dropping down from a ledge when you try to jump too soon after shooting at an enemy below you. The new ability to climb ropes affords itself many opportunities at accidental and deadly dismounts when you're trying to do too much at once and while none of these issues are necessarily new to this game, they are a perennial source of frustration.

Sounds:
The sound effects are crisp although some are rather quiet, so you'll have to strain a little to enjoy that classic 'p-choom' sound unless you've got headphones. The classic ricochet noise which denoted a successful shot on an enemy returns for added nostalgia, though most of the sounds in the game will be more updated. The game's music features some new tracks and several remixes of the ones you remember. If you're playing on Hard then you're rewarded with an enhanced version of the original Jungle track. Arguably the greatest 8 bit music ever, the Base Boss music from the first Contra returns in two of the three base-style levels as you're fighting the final enemy there, offering a more percussive and instrumental version, coming off as more dramatic (though not necessarily better) than the original version.

Gameplay:

 Mad Dog has chosen the passive-aggressive approach

After years of questionable titles and a few decent but very different ones, Konami's Contra 4 on the Nintendo DS is clearly meant as fan service to the long time fans of the run n' gun series, from the game itself, to the bonus unlockables, and even the booklet is made lovingly with long-time fans in mind. The game takes its overall design from the first three Contra games, featuring levels, weapons, music, and bosses borrowed or inspired from Contra, Super Contra, and Contra III: The Alien Wars. Contra 4 takes place soon after the events of Contra III, serving as a direct sequel to that game and ignoring all the rest that came in between (which is good because those storylines were crazy and the characters were wearing shirts). Midst the familiar features, the game brings fresh new ones to ensure that it isn't just a phoned-in reboot. While a few of the levels are clearly inspired by the look of some of the classics, they are set up in brand new, challenging ways while retaining the original feel. This includes the pseudo-3D shooting galley-like base levels which retain the "shoot the red things" goal but with beefed up enemies and hazards. One of the biggest new factors in the game is the simultaneous use of both the upper and lower screen, adding a huge new challenge to a game that was not exactly short on them to begin with. The insane difficulty remains intact, so only elite players will see the end. All in all, the easiest way to describe the game is...it's a Contra game, with all of the good and bad that comes with that status.

 With the addition of only a few new tricks, the core gameplay is unaltered from what we've grown accustomed to, feeling the most like Contra III, which might seem expected, given the numbering, but let's remember that they're 15 years apart. Before starting the game you can select which character you want to use. So if you're like me and sad that you have to be player two to enjoy the benefits of red pants, now you can choose Lance (the red pants guy) instead of that stuck up Blue Pants Bill right out of the starting block. Two other characters, Mad Dog and Scorpion, are also immediately selectable, and if you're familiar with the regional differences between the original Contra games, you know why that's such a delightful addition. All of these initial characters are just color palette swaps of each other, but if you ever felt that Bill Rizer would be better represented as a black guy with a golden rifle then this game's for you.

This seems very familiar

After your support chopper drops you into the jungle, careful not to insult your manhood with a helpful missile or two aimed at your enemies, you'll find yourself in the same position in which you found yourself way back in the original Contra, with a big gun that shoots one small, pathetic round at a time. Even the sound effect is exactly the same as it was in the NES days. Your mission on every level is simple to say but nearly impossible to do, run to the end of the level while shooting everything in sight before it gets you. If you take one shot from anything, you lose a life.

    Enemies come in all forms, from the backpack carrying cannon-fodder guys who used to irritate us on the waterfall (and still do) to durable gun turrets which take many shots to destroy. There's an increased premium on mid-bosses in Contra 4 which help give each level some added depth and challenge on the way to the eventual main boss. Mid bosses are among the most interesting enemies and may take the form of a large alien, a powerful tank, a giant robot, and more. It's not uncommon to encounter a mid boss that's actually more difficult than the level's final boss.

Spreadshot is love

   To help you navigate all of these hazards, your character can climb certain walls, hang on bars and certain ceilings, and can now climb ropes or rope-shaped alien entrails, which does unfortunately open the door to the 2D platformer rope nightmares we all remember, and more than once you'll be lamenting the loss of a life while asking, "why didn't we grab that rope, Bill?" New to the series, you are also given a grapple hook which is used to latch onto hangable objects above you. The grapple hook with shoot all the way to the heights of the level but you're very vulnerable to attack while it's pulling you up there. In an effort to make use out of this new tactic, weapon pods can often be found over deadly chasms, forcing you to shoot them open, jump down just far enough to collect the item before it's lost, and then grapple back to safety before it's too late, which looks pretty darn cool when you pull it off, but is rarely worth the trouble. Perhaps you might feel the use of the grapple hook adds a needless new learning curve in a series that's already too damn hard, but you'd better get used to it, as several key parts of the game require it. Sticking to running and gunning and some light climbing would be ideal but the grapple hook just may save your life one day. Or possibly cost you one.

Grappling can also leave you temporarily headless

Better weapons and powerups are shot out of pods imbedded into the background, or from flying pods which look very similar to those found in Contra III. If you're hoping for some new toys to play with here then you'll be somewhat disappointed as all of the weapons within have been featured in previous titles. However, all of the weapons can be upgraded by picking them up twice, so their functionality will improve in ways you may not expect. In some cases, the upgraded weapon is If you're playing on Easy, they all start off fully upgraded. Being able to upgrade the weapons puts an increased premium on collecting them as well as making it more tragic when you're killed, and your weapon is lost. Like in Contra III, you're allowed to carry two different weapons which is awfully helpful, since you only lose the one who had equipped when you die. Unlike Contra III you can't fire both weapons at once although there was really no tactically sound reason to do so in the first place. You can also discard your weapon, tossing it to the ground. This is useful if you're playing with a friend and are generous enough to share the wealth. It can also be helpful if you know you're about to get hit by something that don't want to lose the weapon permanently. Although if you're new to the controls you'll find yourself accidentally throwing away your weapons at very inopportune times.

Crap.

The levels play similarly to how they'd play in Contra III, with most of them being a side-scrolling format allowing you to climb rails, walls, and ropes in order to get to higher plains. Many portions of the game give you the option to take the high or low path, so you can run along the roof tops of the crumbling city or try your luck on the mean streets below. This would be especially helpful on multiplayer so you can finally get your buddy the hell out of your way, relegating him to whatever path you don't take. One of the levels takes place over the ocean on a futuristic jet ski, sort of like an aquatic version of the hover bike level in Contra III. And to the delight of fans of the original Contra, there are three shooting-gallery levels reminiscent of the bases from the first game. These levels are even harder than they were in 1987 with more tricks and traps awaiting you, but with the faster pacing and new features, may be even more fun than the bases you remember. Or maybe just more infuriating.

Aside from the regular campaign, you can also unlock Challenge Mode, which sticks you in 40 different scenarios, demanding that you complete tasks ranging from completing a section of a level without being able to shoot, having to retain extreme accuracy, taking on a boss without sustaining a single hit, and more. Some of these are unimaginably annoying, and not in the good Contra way, but just in an unfair, irritating way, which I assure you is actually different. For example, when playing some of the Pacifism modes, where you can't shoot, you're basically at the mercy of what the game throws at you. Sure, it might give you 3 paths to take but say enemies are on all three paths, preventing you from jumping, dropping, or standing your ground. What do you do? Nothing, you're screwed. Most of the challenges are fair in some very hidden way, but some of them will have you contemplating just how important a DS really is while you're looking for a hammer. As you complete these tasks you'll be rewarded with various unlockable bonuses which actually manage to justify the injustice you've just suffered. These bonuses...these bonuses are perhaps the greatest example of fan service the game has to offer. The booklet specifically says it offers no spoilers on what these prizes are, and in honor of that they won't be mentioned here, but to give you a small idea, if Contra 4 itself were absent from the game and only the unlockables remained, it would still be worth buying. Seriously.

So the gameplay in general is pretty great, classic Contra at its finest with a few new abilities. But alas, we must also cover the grim matter of the difficulty. First the good news: It's not as hard as Contra III. But then, few things in life are. However, the difficulty of Contra 4 is still insane and will scare off the modern gamer used to endless life bars and unlimited continues. It's much harder than Contra and Super Contra and requires extremely skillful maneuvering and heroic patience. The game can be set to 'easy' but the last two levels won't be available, and it's not as if "Easy" isactually all that easy anyway. If you're feeling extra masochistic, you can put the game on hard, where enemy bullets are almost too fast to see and bosses boast a carpal tunnel inducing number of hit points. As eluded to earlier, one of the hardest things about Contra 4 is that it takes place on both screens, making it very hard to see threats coming from the screen opposite of the one you currently occupy. You either have to look at what's coming or keep and eye on what's happening on your screen, either option increasing your mortality significantly. Plus, enemy fire briefly gets lost in the space between the two screens making it extra difficult to keep track of it. Honestly this is one of the more frustrating facets of the game, and whether it's intentionally meant to increase difficulty or just an unfortunate side effect of an attempt to take advantage of the DS platform, it does beg for an eventual adaptation to a single-screen platform if ever possible. Fortunately the overall game is great enough for this not to ruin it.

Bill must eliminate all the Aliens before 20th Century Fox sues him.

Conclusion:

Contra 4 is a prime example of what can be accomplished two decades into a long-running series when its made with the fans in mind and not just the money. Contra 4 isn't made to appeal to a new generation of gamers. It doesn't even try. This game is solely for those who loved Contra, Super C, and Contra III, loved the punishment and tragedy they dished out, and wanted more. Fifteen years after the last classic Contra, this game proves it can hang with its iconic predecessors and is easily the best Contra to come out in the 2000's. It doesn't try to be new or different, it just tries to be good. There is no fathomable reason that any classic Contra fan wouldn't become an immediate fan of this classic Run and Gun experience.

~Richard

* A few of these screenshots came from IGN.

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Shop Spotlight: School Supplies

 It's the time of year where you're either headed back to school, sending kids to school or are sick and tired of hearing about school and trying to get on with your boring year round job. Regardless of what September means to you, we have a wide array of Desk and Office Supplies that look just as good tucked in a backpack as they do in a cubicle.

Usagi is very happy to help with your measuring needs.

 This Japanese Sailor Moon ruler,  was originally part of a child's desk set so it's perfect if you've got a little one who's loves the moon princess. It also tucks nicely into a grown up desk drawer or would look fabulous displayed as part of your sailor moon collection. At just $3 it's some very affordable cuteness regardless of what you choose to do with it.

Minnie would love to hold on to your personal memos.

This Minnie Mouse Notebook was a Japanese magazine Furoku (bonus) item. It's smaller than a standard notebook and is closer to the size of a planner. Like most Japanese character notebooks it's fairly thin, but has beautiful decorated lined pages on the inside featuring Minnie in a Heart Motif. The pages are very decorative which takes up a lot of line space,  so it probably wouldn't be too practical for taking class notes, but could be great as an idea journal or anything else of the sort. Naturally it was also be fab for display in any Disney collection as well.  For $3 this unique collectible can be yours.

You should seriously watch Violinist of Hameln

 This notebook is a promo from the GW animation festival in 1996 . It features 3 animes that are (sadly) pretty obscure today. Dragon Quest (loosely based on the games) Mahoujin guru guru (an RPG parody show) and Violinist of Hameln (hard to describe but a really fun series).  This is a thin notebook with lined and decorated inner pages. The decorations are of the main characters of the series in monochromatic blue border at the tops, so there's actually a decent amount of writing space. If you're a fan of vintage anime for $3 this would make a great usable item for you.

Holding your documents is almost as fun as eating fruit.

 This Yoshi's Story Folder is vintage from 1998 or 1999.  This has 2 upright pockets (on the sides of the folder instead of on the bottom. Its in great shape and perfect for holding school assignments or interoffice memos. While it's in perfectly usable condition you can of course also opt to keep it pristine and display it in a collection as well.  For $6 you can whatever you like with it.

Sailor Moon Says: I'll keep your documents safe.

This official Japanese Sailor Moon S Clearfile is still new, we bought several of them from a closing anime shop as new dead stock. Clearfiles are folders that don't open, but have an opening in the top to slide documents into. As they're made of plastic they also offer your documents a bit of waterproofing as well. Great for hiding secret correspondence with your cubical neighbors from your boss or collecting class syllabi. Not to mention it would just be a lovely addition to your Sailor Moon collection. It's $7 to make it yours today.

Luckily most schools aren't like Ohtori

Shitajiki aren't really legitimate school supplies outside of Japan, but they do make great decorations for lockers, dorm rooms and even offices (we have some of ours attached to our file cabinet). This Utena board is a rare design from the Utena movie and is still sealed in the original plastic. We recently put it on clearance for $11, so don't miss it.

Sparkly stitch is sure to make any pencil box happy.

This sparkly Pencil set features Disney's Stitch and are Japanese imports that were either Furoku or Zenin according to the Japanese dealer we got them from. Both pencils sit in the same cap, and one side has colored lead and the other has normal lead. Just place one lead in the back of the pencil and push it through to change tips. This is a really cute item and at $2.50 you don't have to feel bad using it to spice up notes or art projects, or giving it a too a little one to cute up their pencil box.

Almost everything is better with Hello Kitty's face.

This adorable memo pad of Hello Kitty being dressed as a panda is perfect for leaving love notes or jotting notes from your latest meeting. I think kids today text each other rather than passing notes, but it could probably accommodate those poor souls who've gotten their cell phones nabbed but still need to know school gossip before lunch time. It's certainly $3.50 worth of cuteness even if you just leave in your desk drawer to brighten your day.


We have a lot more desk stuff available, more memo pads, stationery, erasers, pencils folders, stampers, stickers and all sorts of other fun stuff. We feel confident we've got something that could make your desk better.


~Stephanie

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Collection Oddities: Vintage Mario Birthday Flag Pin

Throughout the years Nintendo has been there for you if you want to let Mario celebrate your birthday with you.  In our personal collection we have centerpieces, party horns, party hats, a cake pan and a gaggle of cards.

Recently we added this pin:

Right now it looks like a typical late eighties early nineties Mario item, but if you're sharp eyed you'll notice that Mario isn't just playing his own strange game of backwards foot hockey with that black puck, it is in fact a button. Pressing the button  is where the birthday part and some confusion comes in.

Pressing the button causes a a tiny "Happy Birthday" flag to pop up. If this was a stationary item, this would make a little more sense. You give it to your Mario loving friend they push the button and delight in their birthday wishes from everyone's favorite plumber. However this is meant to be worn. So do you buy the pin and wear on your friend's birthdays and invite them to push the button? Do you wear it on your birthday and communicate "happy birthday" to the world at large, because it's your birthday and you're gonna make sure it's happy for everyone you see? Or do you wear and push the button whenever you feel like you could use some upside down birthday greetings (assuming you're wearing it right side up on your torso in some fashion).

Clearly trying to wear this is only going to lead to  fashion confusion and heartache.  Luckily for us we keep it display in our collection, making it once again a stationary item and removing all those pesky "how the heck am I supposed to wear this questions."  Implementation issues aside,  it's a pretty fun item and fun way to add even more Mario to your birthdays.

~Stephanie


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Retro Review: Vegas Dream NES

Vegas Stakes is one of my favorite games so it’s seems weird I didn’t know about the predecessor until a few years back even though Vegas Dream was released for the NES back in 1988. At this point it's been 25 years if 8-bit gambling goodness.

The concept of Vegas dream is pretty simple, you’re in Vegas to win money. You encounter people and events, but all of it is to your ultimate goal of getting as rich as possible at the casino’s expense.

Controls

Controls are simple and intuitive, I didn’t notice a lag or delay but it’s not the sort of game you’d notice it in anyway. 

Graphics

It doesn’t look great and it doesn’t look horrible. They’re pretty standard NES level graphics, though given that’s there’s very little movement taking place in the game they could probably look a lot better. Overall they don’t really add anything to the game and they don’t really take anything away from it either.

Sound

There’s not a lot for random sounds or ambient noise, there are some minor sounds when you make menu selections and when you win at a slot machine, but most of the sounds in the game is in the form of musical themes. Each game has its own theme song and things like the news cast and the marriage have their own individual melodies as well. The music isn’t fantastic but it isn’t bad either. My biggest complaint it that it over uses the high tones a bit.

Gameplay

You’re not going to make your fortune in Vegas by simply standing around hoping the $700 your start off with is going to attract some companions into your pocket,  so naturally the gameplay is largely made up  of playing gambling games.   You have 4 choices on your road to fortune, Blackjack, Roulette, Slots and Keno. Once you select a game you’re presented with a dealer/game attendant who seems to randomly be a man with a square hair cut or a woman with a bob, except in Keno which is always the same girl.

Blackjack plays like any digital Blackjack game I’ve ever played. Place a bet trying to get 21 failing that just beat the dealer’s hand.  It uses standard rules and options, double downs, splits, and insurance. I made most of my fortune in the game making ridiculous black jack bets so I’d say they odds are pretty in your favor, but there’s plenty of times I hit a 5 game losing streak so it doesn’t baby you either.

Roulette is roulette. Pick a number, a group of numbers, or a color and hope for the best.  Roulette doesn’t do you any favors no matter which bet I made I always seemed to be picking the wrong thing. In the session I played for this review I tried maybe 15 bets of varying types and not a one of them paid. As in real life though, if you’re lucky Roulette really pays off.

Slots come in 2 flavors Pot-O-Gold and Jack Pot Bar. Pot-O-Gold comes in multiple Denominations ranging from $1 a line to $100 a line. You can bet on one two or three lines that pay left to right, no diagonals or the other crazy stuff we’re used to now.  Seems to have pretty normal slot machine odds, I didn’t win a million and I didn’t lose my shirt either. Jack Pot bar only has one pay line, right in the center which you can make a $1, $5, $25, $50 or $100 bet on. Odds aren’t as good as on the Pot-O-Gold machines, but when you do win it pays well.

Unlike the other games, keno is always hosted by a girl who looks suspiciously similar to Fuijiko from Lupin III.  Pseudo Fujiko takes the bet you choose (your select it yourself so it can be in any amount from $1 up)  on the amount of numbers you choose from 1-15. You get paid based on the quantity of numbers you hit out of the numbers you selected,  IE. 1/1 is a winner, 2/15 is not.

If navigating the waters of Vegas gambling isn’t enough, you also have to deal the denizens of The Hal Palace Casino in a variety of interactions.  Sometimes is in the form of hotel staff informing you you’ve  got a phone call or a visitor which can result in big pay offs, or more often than not (at least in my case) a fall down the stairs or a chandelier to the head.  In fact in my game I feel down the stairs at least 5 times, several times because of the mysterious phone call and once due to an “accident” at the bar where it’s heavily implied my character got drunk and fell down the stairs. Injuries while hilarious are $200 a pop for hospital bills so it can add up pretty quickly, but often times  the payoff is $5000, so it’s worth the gamble if you’re far enough into the game where a $200 loss isn’t going to bankrupt you.

 Another common interaction is Marriage.  Mr.James  (Ms. Sophie if you’re playing a male) will decide he’s in love with you and wants to marry you after a single date in the hotel bar. If you agree to his proposal it can either result in a con where he takes $200 from you or a $5000 wedding gift from the hotel. Also interestingly even after you’re married Mr. James will date and marry you again in a seemingly endless loop. We got married 4 times in my game and only once was conned obviously YMMV.

The other interactions pop up a little less frequently, a waitress who spills a drink on you and either steals your wallet or gets you a pay-out from the hotel. A man who takes you to the bar to buy stocks, a man who buys you drinks to celebrate your luck (which is how I ended up on that drunken trip down the stairs), and a young man who’ll sometimes ask for change or sometimes ask for $200 with his watch as collateral. Frankly the game is a bit racist as with those last two interactions the guy who approaches is black and it’s more often than not it’s a con. I only got a payout once in the watch scenario, including in previous play sessions, and it was only for $1000 so not really a great gamble.

Naturally, as with any trip to Vegas you risk ending up completely penniless.  If that happens you get one last chance spin on the Jack Pot Bar Slot. If you win some cash you get to keep gambling. If you don’t it’s game over and you’re back at the airport on your way back to wherever it is you came from shamed and sad. If your luck in gambling holds up and you don’t get conned too many times you’ll eventually hit $10million, which is the winning point for the game. When you win you get a small ending scene which shows you being a jerk to what we can assume are your servants at your mansion before heading out to a show. Because that’s the ultimate Vegas dream, finding people poorer than you to belittle! 

 Winning is actually pretty difficult to do in one sitting unless you’re A) insanely lucky or B) playing via emulator and using save states.  So there’s a handy password feature you can use after each big win to make sure you’re never totally at the mercy of mere luck or  in case you don’t feel like doing 8 bit gambling  for endless hours. Unfortunately, The passwords are 26 characters longs consisting of numbers, letters and symbols, so copy everything down carefully  and it’s very easy to get one character wrong and lose your hours of masterful blackjack playing forever. 

Conclusion

Vegas Dream is nowhere near as fun as its much beloved (by me) sequel, Vegas Stakes. But it is decent NES gambling goodness. The random interactions really give it a fun twist as opposed to playing something like Caesars palace, but there are definitely things that could have made it a better game. I personally would have really liked to have seen a Poker option.  I think if I were rating  this back in 1988 when it were new I’d have probably given it a 3 or 4 but by today’s standards I give it a 2. It’s fun, it’s playable, but after you’re over the amusement of falling down the stairs and entering sham marriages, there are better options for gambling games out there.

 

~Stephanie

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Retro Review: Boxxle on Gameboy

Have you ever found yourself playing a Legend of Zelda game thinking: "It's nice to save Hyrule and all, but why aren't there more box puzzles?" Perhaps you're on one of Ms. Croft's tomb raiding adventures but instead of looking forward to your next artifact, you're looking forward to the next room full of crates. If so, Boxxle has you covered.

Boxxle is a game about pushing boxes. No really. That's the game. The very thin premise is that a young man (you aren't told his name, but I've decided to call him Bobby Boxpush)  is working in warehouse to earn money for a present for his girlfriend.

Graphics:

This is a Gameboy game from 1989 so you can't expect too much which is good because there isn't much here. On the small puzzles the graphics are on par with other games of the era, not exciting but certainly serviceable. However, the long view on the large puzzles looks like it was ported from a particularly advanced atari game.







Controls:
Controls are intuitive and responsive. You push the boxes with the Dpad. The start button allows you to restart,  or select a new level. You only use the buttons to put in passwords in the main game and select and place pieces in create mode. Nothing really of note here.

  

Sound:
There isn't a lot of sound happening. There's a few menu selection sounds and when you complete a level, Mr. Boxpush let's out a surprisingly realistic (for the time) "Yeah!". The music is the same repetitive track in every level or at least in every level I played (37 of them). At first is seems like standard uninspired video game fare, but the longer you listen to it the more it seems like some sort of  awful torture. There's a few other melodies such as in the "interludes" and when you pause, but overall Boxxle is best played with some other sort of music going on. I don't care if it's Garth Brooks, or Kenny G, or Lil' Wayne or The London cast recording of Cats, anything and everything is going to be better than what the game gives you.

Gameplay:
As I mentioned previously, boxxle is a game about pushing boxes. Instead of a great treasure, a piece of heart, a new weapon or any of the other good stuff normal games give you for completing a box puzzle, here you just get more box puzzles, 250 of them to be exact spread across 25 levels of 10 stages each.

The game's thin storyline about why you're pushing all those boxes told in a series of short between level vignettes in Pac-Man type fashion. You see the first before you start the game and then one every 10 stages. Bobby Boxpush is working in a warehouse to get cash to buy his lovely lady a present. Though honestly I don't see why, as in the first scene she walks right by him. I'd like to point out "She hates me, I'd better slave away pushing thousands of boxes until she notices me." is not a good way to start a relationship even in video game land, but the game sprites can't hear me so I'm stuck pushing boxes.


Once you're in a stage you're presented with various boxes that need to be pushed, not pulled, into place.
You can tell where they should go via dots on the floor and once a box is over one of the dots it turns dark. As you would expect, it starts off simple and becomes increasingly harder as the game progresses. The game counts each step you make and displays the number of steps under the stage number and it seems to count for absolutely nothing, but hey there's always the self satisfaction of knowing you did it in a smaller amount of steps than all your Boxxle playing friends!

 Even for a box puzzle veteran such as myself some of them were pretty taxing and required a several restarts. There is a surprising amount of problem solving and critical thinking involved with rearranging boxes. Luckily, there's a convenient feature that,  if a particular puzzle is making you console-throwingly angry the menu allows you to select a new one within the same level. You can't move on until you've completed all the stages in one level, but sometimes a little break is all you need. If that's not enough though, there's a password feature so you can turn the Gameboy off, put the madness of boxes behind you an run over people in GTA or something.

If you get bored with the 250 pre-made puzzles you can make several of your own custom creations. You get the same materials as the standard puzzles, Bricks for walls, dots for placement, and of course boxes. The only thing to watch out for is that the game will let you create and attempt to play impossible puzzles so you'll need to really consider your placement choices.

So that's it, go into a level, push some boxes. Complete the level, move into a new level and push some boxes. If you get bored with that make a level, push some boxes.

Conclusion:

As a Puzzle game/brain teaser game, Boxxle can hold it's own. It'll never be one of the greats but it's playable and it gets you thinking. I like box puzzles and it still got boring for me eventually, but I did do 37 of them in one sitting so it took awhile. As a bonus it's also training for almost every other video game ever.  Overall, Boxxle is a pretty average game, but if you want a puzzle game that's not a Tetris or Bust a Move clone, give some boxes a push. It earns a perfectly middle of the road 2.5 Octopi.

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Notes on Demise from Zelda Skyward Sword

There are totally spoilery things in this entry, but if you've read anything about Skyward Sword you've probably seen anything that's going to be covered here as I don't plan on going into too much of the plot line.

I'm aware that I am totally late to the "my thoughts about Skyward Sword" Party. I had the game pre-ordered and got it right away and started playing it right away, so theoretically, I could have done this back whenever every other Nintendo fanboy/fangirl  was doing it, but I didn't because I kept getting bored with the game and finding other things to do, I've gotten to the end finally so I feel like I can appropriately make my comments now. I'm not going to go into all my various grievances with the game as a whole (at least not right now), I just want to talk about one little element, Demise.

Demise is your main antagonist in the game and while he has the common decency to stay in one spot and start trouble rather than following you from temple to temple, it pretty much always comes back to demise. Now my problem with this is that demise starts off as  The Imprisoned. As far as I'm concerned, it's cute, not terrifying. I mean look at this thing:

The Imprisoned

Sure he's got big pointy teeth, but they just add to the cuteness. I mean look at those little wiggly toes. My first encounter with him, was not upsetting, it just made me giggly. In spite of their obvious design differences his armless largely faceless appearance reminded me of the Mome Raths in Alice in Wonderland. While the Mome Rath thing might just be me, clearly it's not just me thinking it's cute, if this plushie and it's responses are any indication.

The imprisioned form of Demise does go through a few "upgrades" and while once is grows arms it does remind me less of a Mome Rath, it does not get any less cute. In fact it's arms are so gangly and silly looking it might actually be cuter.

The Imprisoned 2nd form

 Later on it even flies, but it's basically as the same as the arm one only with a halo.  In spite of the fact that each of these subsequent incarnations causes bigger and more annoying problems for Link, it was hard to take him seriously at any point. That being said I could live with demise being perfectly silly after all the game take great pains to let you know that he isn't at full power in any of those incarnations. So basically that it's an adorable big bumbling monster, is something to be thankful for, not mock.

However as one would expect that's not the final word on Demise. Eventually Demise gets all his unimaginable power and becomes Akuma from Street Fighter.

Demise from Skyward Sword

Now it's possible you've been living under a large rock for awhile and don't really know much about street fighter or Akuma.  This is Akuma:

Akuma from Street Fighter

Still not convinced? Here's the handy split screen version:

Demise and Akuma are totally the same guy

I think the Split Screen version is pretty irrefutable evidence that Akuma got tired of being Dragon Punched and Cannon Drilled and decided to take out his demonic rage on what would become Hyrule. Which if it were the official story of the game, I personally would enjoy. But there's a whole contingent of people who argue, sure maybe he kind of looks like Akuma, but it's clearly supposed to be a precursor to Ganon/Ganondorf. I admit the game certainly makes it seem that way, except well, this is Ganon:

link to the Past Ganon

And if you're not as old school, this is Ganondorf (different from ganon if you buy into the human beast form having 2 different names thing):

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf

And this is Ganon, and this is Ganon even this is Ganon, and well I could go on for quite awhile, but I won't because the point is the Demise to Ganon thing doesn't work for me. Demise is clearly an Akuma who wandered into the wrong game universe.

So basically Nintendo brought me and the other Zelda fans an antagonist who starts off cute and becomes an escapee from another game franchise. This would be annoying in any game, but Skyward Sword was touted as the definitive back story of the whole Zelda saga, making it especially heinous. Would it really have been so hard to create a legitimate demon precursor to one of the most important and well known characters in all of gaming History?

I don't say this that often, but I'm really disappointed in you Nintendo. I feel like you've done a great disservice to the franchise.

~Stephanie

[NOTE]

Since it came up in a comment, I'd like to point out A) I don't actually believe Nintendo stole Akuma's character design, I think it was more giving him a generic "demonic" character design. B) I'm aware of that particular generic design has some roots in Japanese folklore. For more on either of those things I left a pretty lengthy reply to anon comment to this entry.

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