Top 10 Most Annoying NPCs

The video game world is rife with NPCs (Non-playable characters to those last 5 people who are unfamiliar with the term). Sometimes they're useful when like when they randomly hand over a TM in Pokemon, sometimes they just get in the way like pretty much everyone walking around in the Assassins Creed series and sometimes they're just there to provide flavor text like pretty much every bar patron in every RPG that has ever existed. Naturally by very virtue of being NPCs and doomed to stay in the same areas and repeat the same text over and over, they're going to get a little annoying. These NPCs though go beyond the norms of mere annoyance and push the limits of your gaming patience. These are the characters you'd like to pummel into a fine dust of bone and blood pixels.

10. Every female NPC - Tony Hawk 3

You can't tell here, but even wolverine is no match for the Neversoft girls.

Quickest way to ruin a gigantic combo in Tony Hawk 3? Skate too close to a girl. In contrast to the male NPCs who simply get knocked over when faced with the full force of your handstand manual coming at them, the girls reach out and give your skater slap for getting in their considerably sized space bubble. I don't know what ladies have against me getting a million point combo, but they certainly don't want to let it happen near them. Nowhere is this ladies against skating mentality more prevalent than in the cruise ship level. Impressing the Neversoft girls is one of your goals here so you've got not choice but to get near them which means you're pretty much guaranteed to have a bikini-clad lady knocking you around. I personally support total gender equality and think that the female NPCs should get the same face to floor treatment I've been giving their male counter parts for years now.

9. Laura - Silent Hill 2

One of the earliest instances of Laura hindering progress.

Silent Hill 2 is a a very cerebral mind melting experienced and one of the most popular theories about the game is that every person James meets in that little resort town is a representation of a part of his mind. If that's true,  Laura is the part of your brain that lets you lose your keys only to find the some place no earthly being would ever leave them. And like losing your keys Laura is a constant annoyance. She doesn't really do anything useful for James, unless making James feel awful (though honestly he should) is considered to be useful. Instead she constantly hinders his progress while making snide bratty remarks. I'm not going to say Laura doesn't add anything to the Storyline, like everyone else who appears in Silent hill she's there for a reason, but I hated her and wish Pyramid Head would have skewered her.

8. Lunatics - Assassins Creed

This guy is just waiting to ruin Altair's day.

There are a lot of annoying NPCs in  the Assassins Creed series and some would cite the traveling bards or the beggars as being the more annoying than these guys as there are more of them especially in later titles. But as annoying as a horde of beggars wanting to tell you just how "poor and sick and hungry" they are, they don't really do much to you other than stand in front of you. The lunatics by contrast are not only annoying and in your way, they have the unique ability to blow your cover even if you aren't interacting with them. Manage to find a group of monks to blend in with to keep the guards off your tail? Not if the roaming lunatics have anything to say about it. Should a calm quiet praying Altiar get near one of these guys they do not hesitate to give you a mighty shove knocking you soundly on your ass. This would certainly be rude on it's own accord, but for some reason guards think that if a monk gets beat up by a mentally disturbed man, that monk must be up to no good, thus blowing your cover. Of course they aren't content to simply bash your face in while you're trying to blend, they also like to knock you down in midst of assassinations and chase sequences too. While it seems wrong to assassinate these guys knowing they're really "not all there", it still feels so good.

7. Child Princess Ruto - Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time

This is some of her nicer conversation.

When she grows up she's useful to Link and has a pretty character design if you're into blue fish girls. However when, Princess Ruto is a child she's a complete pain in the ass. Somehow she managed to walk all the way over to Lord Jabu Jabu get eaten and then wander off further into his enormous innards, but pretty much as soon as Link shows up her legs mysteriously stop working and it's your job to carry the little princess around with you, find her gem and get her out of the dungeon. Naturally she gets lost or hurt or damaged or "accidentally" thrown into an orifice on a fairly regular basis and you've got to go collect her again. It's pretty standard escort mission fare, though the fact that the little brat refuses to walk makes it all the more grating. It's bad enough  that she refuses to take any personal responsibility and that she won't walk unless it's massively inconvenient for you, but she is also a colossal ass about the whole situation. She constantly berates Links about his sub-par princess rescuing abilities and his complete disregard for timely dungeon solving. While killing her as soon as she shows up would ultimately be bad for Link I kind of wish he'd gag her and leave her at the dungeon entrance.

6. Dog - Duck Hunt

These guy has ruined more childhoods than x rated fan art

The dog from Duck Hunt is the first gaming nemesis many of us can remember. He's surprisingly evil for someone who isn't considered an enemy. The Duck Hunt Dog doesn't care that you're 6 and haven't developed fine motor skills. Should you slip up and miss even a single duck amongst the endless parade that inhabits that one grassy field he laughs at you, mocking you for your failure. I think more young psyches were damaged by that awful laughing dog than any amount of playground teasing. I'm staunchly against animal cruelty so I don't necessarily condone all the games that let your murder the dog, but I would like to give him a face full of gunpowder like in the arcade version. Certainly no one can say he doesn't have it coming.


5. Almost Every Person you give your Number to - Pokemon Gold and Silver

Do not give this kid your number

If I could give anyone a single piece of advice about playing Pokemon Gold and Silver it would be to be very discerning about who you're giving your number out too. Sure sometimes some of them might have some useful information for you about a swarm of certain type of Pokemon or they might rematach for a rare item, but it's not worth it. Most of the time the want to call you and talk about absolutely nothing.Who the hell calls to tell a random stranger about their continuing failures? Youngster Joey, I am on my way to beat the elite 4 I do not care that you almost caught a tough Rattata. Maybe I cared the first time you called to tell me, I mean poor kid having a tough time with Rattata has got to be a real confidence killer. The 20th time you call though, I hope that after that level 3 Rattata defeats your pokemon, it rips out your innards and leaves you for dead, or at the very least gnaws off your dialing fingers.

 4. Roman - Grand Theft Auto IV

 

Roman is demonstrating just how big American stripper chests are

The GTA franchise has had a lot of really annoying NPCs, pretty much everyone CJ knows in GTA: San Andreas is a pain in the ass. Roman might be the biggest pain in the ass any GTA protagonist has to deal with (which is really saying something as Brucie Kibbutz appears in the same game). If it's not bad enough that Roman is constantly dragging Niko into all manner of trouble, he also wants to call constantly.  On the off chance you're not currently engaged in trying to save his ass or settle his debts or doing whatever other asinine thing he wants you to do, he's on the phone with you wondering why you're not hanging out. His calls to go bowling in the midst of a fire fight are the subject of many an internet meme, but in my experience he seemed more interested in getting drunk and going to the strip club. His timing was just as awful though, trying to escape that 4 star wanted level? Expect a call from Roman and subsequent loss in favoritism when you decline to bring the entire Liberty City police department over to pick him up. Busily playing with the Swingset glitch? Roman will not hesitate to call you while you're being tossed roughly 500 feat into the air, because if every bone in your body isn't broken it's as good a time as any to play darts! If Niko had any idea of what was in store for him he'd shoot Roman in the head immediately upon arrival in Liberty City.


3. Roy Earle - L.A. Noire

Roy looks like the self-entitled jackass he is .

All of Cole's partners in L.A. Noire have issues, they all give terrible driving directions, have a tendency to walk right into bullets while extol the virtues of staying in cover and each has his own brand of unwelcome snarky commentary. Those things would be annoying enough on their own, but Roy take things to a whole different level. Roy has particularly obnoxious commentary, he undermines everything you do and is generally a gigantic sleezebag and the sort of guy who needs a punch in the face. I can't really go into the depths of Roy's awfulness without revealing game spoilers, but trust me it's there. We spent a lot of time in free roam mode running him over with his own car feeling sad that it wasn't a more graphic death.


2. Navi - Ocarina of Time

Poor Link has no idea what he's in for.

Navi will inevitably appear on every single list of of most annoying characters. Sure Navi is trying to be helpful and let lost players know what they're supposed to be up to. This is a useful trait if you put Ocarina of Time down for a few months and totally forgot what you were supposed to be doing, this is less useful trait when she's told you the same information the 20th time during the same gaming session. Navi, I'm a little busy hunting skulltulas right now, and I really do not care what Saria would say. For someone like me who values sidequesting above all else in Zelda titles and avoids main line story for as long as humanly possible Navi is my worst nightmare. She constantly pokes and prods with her "Hey" and constantly flashing icon until you finally can't take it anymore and just move forward so you at least get the benefit of her telling you something different for awhile. I know I'm not the only one who feels like she'd be a lot more helpful if we simply ground her into pixie dust,  player hate of her is legendary. If you say "Hey, listen" roughly 90% of all gamers will turn around and punch you in the face.


1. Baby Mario - Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island

Just looking at this I can hear his godawful cries.

If you've ever read another one of my lists or anything else I've ever blogged about you know I'm a huge Nintendo fangirl. I forgave them for the virtual boy and the fact that Ocarina of Time's camera angles made me feel nauseous when I was younger. What I have trouble forgiving is following up one of the greatest games ever made, Super Mario World, with a game that is basically one long escort/protection quest. You have poor defenseless baby Mario being passed like a baton, Yoshi to Yoshi from level to level. Every time Yoshi gets hurt Mario starts to float away and is in danger of being grabbed by Kamek. Of course Mario doesn't just quietly float away, a little tone sounds (reminiscent of the low health noise in the Zelda games), but the little tone itself isn't enough, Mario also starts screaming at the top of his little lungs about it. There are few thing that are more annoying than a baby crying and I have to admit that the sound does make you haul ass over there to get Mario back as soon as possible before you stab sharp instruments into your eardrums, but it is extremely annoying. Make no mistake I LOVE Yoshi's Island it has wonderful innovative level design and is overall a really great game, but the fact is the game would have been even more amazing without baby Mario's constant wailing. Around world 3 I'm ready to pop baby Mario's bubble into the nearest bottomless pit.

So there they are the worst of the worst. Clearly there are many, many annoying NPCs just waiting to ruin your gaming experience but, these are the ones I hated the most.

~Stephanie

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Top Ten Scariest Video Game Monsters and Villains

Continuing in the Halloween spirit we're rehashing another old,  but seasonally appropriate post:

Video games have an opportunity to provide us with horror in ways that television and film can not. A video game puts us in control. We decide our fate and we're the ones that need to figure out how to escape a deadly nightmare. Sometimes control is good and sometimes it's terrifying to literally have the power of life and death in these game worlds. On these twisted journeys through nightmares we will find monsters and villains of course, but some leave more of an impression than others.  That in mind we have compiled this list. For one reason or another, I believe that these characters have something to offer a true horror fan, even if sometimes you have to dig deep to see it. After all, horror is nothing without imagination.
The Top Ten Scariest Video Game Monsters and Villians of All Time

10. The W Star (Drahkken, SNES)

So to claim anything scary can happen in this particular title may seem odd at first, but there are a few moments that are noteworthy at least to nerds as big as we are. Drahkken is an old RPG from the early nineties which tried to utilize a three-dimensional, first person environment. It couldn't be called successful implementation (at least not in the SNES port) but did make the game unique for it's time. One aspect of the game was time change, days passed more or less normally as you were playing.  As with so many  frightening events, nightfall hit is when the terror strikes. The player would notice the many stars in the sky, shining quite brightly. As you trek forward you may notice a W-shaped set of stars in the sky,

The Monster itself

looking much like our earthly constellation of Cassiopeia. Thinking nothing of it, you continue on, when suddenly, those stars start to move, flapping up and down like a crazed bird while an eerie downward scale plays. Then suddenly you hear a loud, low "boom," and the whole world stops of a second. Then a flying creature with a skulllike head comes careening out of the sky and attacks. You inevitably think "What the
HELL is that?!" and proceed to fight this thing, hoping you're leveled up enough to take it on. This occurance actually happens with multiple sets of stars in this game bringing out different monsters.The first time we saw this though was with this set, earning the name we gave it, the W Star.  While the monster itself is certainly horror material (for 1991 anyway)  but the really element of terror comes from how bizarre and unexpected it is. Who expects the sky itself to attack you?

9. The Cyberdemon (DOOM, PC)

One of the greatest first-person bosses of all time in arguably the greatest first person shooter of all time. The Cyberdemon's level starts off with a warning, as you first enter his level their are dead Barons of Hell chained up on the wall (which, before this point your hapless space marine assumes are the baddest thing on two legs). Once you open one of the four doors leading to the exterior of his arena-like stage, and see the flaming skulls known as lost souls. Inevitably, you will sneer at this relatively simple and weak monster, and take it out with your shotgun. However, upon the first shot of your rifle ringing out into the air, you'll hear a staggering and terrifying roar from an unknown source, followed by an unknown "crash-BOOM!" sound which continuously repeats. You realize something else is here with you. And it is big. And it is coming for you. This is Cyberdemon making his presence known to you. What will likely happen next is that you will step out into the open area, turn a corner or two, and in the distance you'll see something. "What is - " will likely be all you have time to think before a missle comes flying right into your face, instantly splattering you all over Hell's floor. Although it's hard to get close enough for a look, the Cyberdemon gets his name from the steel, cybernetic right leg he sports and the rocket launcher inexplicably grafted on to his left arm. The rest of this towering hell beast includes a hooved left leg, huge black horns on the sides of his head, and all kinds of red, bloody wires sticking in and out of him. It's not good enough that all of Hell is trying to tear you apart, but now they're using cybernetic technology to do it with. What makes the Cyberdemon so terrifying is that he's incredibly large, incredibly strong, and is equipped with a one hit kill with unlimited ammo. Technically if you have 200% health, Doom Guy might take the first hit, but it's not a guarantee. Only experienced players can go toe-to-toe with this behemoth, most of you will have to run for you life, taking it whatever shots become available to you. The goat-legged Cyberdemon's discouraging endurance, terrifying attack power and horrifying looks give him a sure position among scariest video game monsters.

8. Michael Myers (Halloween, Atari 2600)

It might seem laughably improbable that an Atari game could do anything in the way of scaring you, but read on. In this game, you wander a house which is a series of  seemingly endless hallways, taking children to the safe rooms and looking for a weapon. Meanwhile, every time you enter a room (other than safe rooms) within seconds you'll be confronted by Michael Myers, with an Atari-appropriate version of the classic Halloween theme playing during his screen time, "Dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo dee doo dee doo doo dee doo doo..." as the collection of pixels known as Michael Myers stalks towards you in a constant stabbing motion with the four or five white pixels that make up his "knife." If he gets you, you'll enjoy a rather humorous animation of your female character running frantically with her head cut off, red dots spewing from her neck. Michael will also decapitate the children if you let him, and I do mean "if you let him," as the game allows you to grab onto the children to take them to safe rooms for points, but you may also decide to use them as bait, as Michael seems more interested in killing them rather than you. So at first this isn't scary, just silly. But as levels progress, and you continue to stab Myers with the black knife, which for some reason you can only use once and then have to seek it out again, he gets faster and most aggressive until soon, you can barely outrun him. What's worse is that you'll enter rooms with faulty "wiring" causing the screen to flash from normal to pitch black while Michael's in the room with you. "Oh God, where am I?" you'll wonder and you hope to have run past the derranged mad man, only to find yourself headless once the lights come back on. With time, Michael Myers will make this one of your most stressful experiences in gaming.

7. Mr. Graves (Haunted House, Atari 2600) 

 Another Atari release. This time, you are in as the name suggests, a haunted house, trying to escape with all of the pieces of the urn of Mr. Graves. You enter the dead man's mansion and wander around, your character only being a part of eyes. You hit the button to light a match which will give you a small orb of visibility. Only with the match lit can you find items and realistically navigate the black squares and lines that make up this house.  There are a few enemies like an errant bat or two, but they're fairly easy to navigate around. So so far it's not very scary. However when entering certain floors, you may hear a noise which could be either thunder or wind. Then suddenly, the ghost of Mr. Graves appears and he blows out your match, leaving you essentially blind and helpless as he chases you down. Sure, he may look like one of those sheet-wearing ghosts from the cartoons, but this guy's not playing around. Something about the speed and frantically waving arms of this character gets you all high strung and desperate to escape. Should Mr. Graves, or any of his buddies such as the bat or spider touch you, your little eyes will violently roll around as thunder and lightning strike, costing you one life. This game is considered to be a classic and even prompted a remake on the Wii under the same name (which is somehow less frighting even with 2 years of technological advances.

6. Jason (Friday the 13th, NES) 

The Hockey Masked killer we all know and love naturally got his own video game back in the day. However it wasn't exactly the greatest piece of media you could own. That being said One thing this title has going for it, is it's undeniable ability to give you a cheap scare. The main idea was that you wander camp Crystal Lake, killing zombies, wolves, bats, and birds until an alarm sounds, indicating that Jason is attacking either the campers or a fellow counselor. You check the map to see which cabin was in distress and race to the location before time runs out. Upon reaching the cabin, the inhabitant(s) thank you for coming, and you search the cabin in pseudo-3D mode. This is where the scare takes place. As you turn corners and advanced forward, eerie but calm music would play as you found a lot of corners and spaces. Then without warning Jason appears before you. A loud and horrifying noise blares while Jason, tries to punch, slice, or axe you to death. You use whatever projectile you have to try and defeat him while dodging his attacks, repeating this entire process until he's gone. But Jason doesn't only appear in cabins. Without warning, you can be walking along the dirt road, totally care-free (as the zombies are annoying but far from scary), and them BAM - it's Jason! Hurling axes at you will sporting his baby blue hockey mask and purple jogging suit. Jason is also sometimes randomly in a cabin that isn't even inhabited. These random appearances are actually sort of the genius as being attacked totally out of the blue is something even modern games miss. Even if he looks silly, Jason IS very unpredictable and can get the jump on you like he did so many randy teenagers in his classic films. This game will never be noted for it's quality but is noted for its intense difficulty. Taking down Jason is a slow, methodical process that spans three stressful "days" and will likely be fruitless to you in the end.

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD. GAME OVER.

5. Nemesis (Resident Evil III, Playstation) 

Resident Evil III eschews some of the main mechanics in there series. Instead of slowly peeking down dark hallways in the hopes of taking out your zombies before they get close enough to rip a few chunks out of your flesh, you spend the entire game running for your life. In essence, as you play through this game, you are constantly being stalked by Nemesis, a mutated version of Tyrant, or in other words, a really big, really powerful zombie. However, unlike Tyrant, Nemesis doesn't simply rely on brute strength, he has a rocket launcher with an endless supply of rockets. We really do mean constantly being stalked. You never get a respite (other than the safe save rooms), at every point in the game you're essentially running from him, and he's never too far away. He'll burst through doors and crash through walls to get to you, all the while never quickening his step beyond a walk. There's nothing like the feeling of constantly being chased, and Nemesis will never allow you a moment of ease, making him a high ranking monster in the video game world. The fact that he's a huge, lumbering pile of rotted flesh helps as well.

4. Sae (Fatal Frame II, Playstation 2) 

All of the Fatal Frame series is absolutely terrifying.  The concept of Fatal Frame is that you are attacked by ghosts and aparitions, but you cannot attack them, merely snap pictures of them to harm them. It sounds a little silly but it's absolutely terrifying. Fatal Frame II takes things up a notch. So you take the powerlessness of that situation, tack on the detail of not having even your camera, and then include a demonic ghost child which will kill you instantly with just a touch, you've got yourself a game that even a hardcore horror fan isn't necessarily eager to try and tackle. You're in a labrynthine area full of dead ends and little hope and Sae, an evil 15 year old girl who was murdered as an act of ritual sacrifice, stalks you while eliciting horrifying laughs and a exhibiting a taste for death. Go ahead, run into a different room and close the door behind you. Sae will open it up and follow you right in there. Hide in a closet, hope for the best, but if she thinks he knows where you are, she'll open that door right up. In the split second opportunity you'll have to run, you'd better hope you don't find a dead end, or you will indeed be finished. You can't kill her, you can't hurt her, you can only run. In most instances that's just delaying the inevitable.

3. Piggsy (Manhunt, Playstation 2)

 "Holy Shit!" is probably the first thing you'll say when you face this Pig Skin wearing miscreant at the end of Manhunt. You get the Leatherface experience with this character in slightly different packaging. Piggsy is a crazed, naked man who wears a pig's head as a mask, starring in many snuff films by Lionel Starkweather, an ex direction who essentially owns the city of Carcer. If his unsettling appearance weren't enough, as you'll find while you're walking down the seemingly quiet hallway of a dilapidated attic-like area of Starkweather's mansion, Piggsy also carries a loud, powerful and remarkably loud  chainsaw. He introduces himself and his favorite toy running right at you from behind a corner, revving it up while screaming at you. Again, "Holy shit!"  This obese man somehow manages to give you a frantic and brain-scrambling chase, the chainsaw roaring hungrily for your blood. With luck you'll find a shadowed area to hide in, while Piggsy stands just a few feet in front of you, searching the area as the motor of his massive-bladed chainsaw idles, intimidatingly. Piggsy is surprisingly smart for someone who looks like he'd be too dumb to be in Deliverance, he tries trick you into dashing out into the open by revving up the chainsaw once again, even if he doesn't actually know where you are. If you're patient and quiet, he'll lumber away to search elsewhere. You'll spend the first several moments of this time paralyzed with fear. When you can blink again, you may inch out of your hiding spot and take the nearby glass shard, trying to see if you can spot the location of the chainsaw-wielding maniac in the distance. You'll turn slightly, looking in a difference, direction, completely unaware than Piggsy has once again caught side of you from another angle until that saw revs up again and he charges you. As your brain and hands freeze in horror, you hope your mental capacity return in just enough enough for you to hold down that run button and get the hell out of there....

2. Pyramid Head (Silent Hill 2, Playstation 2)

 Pyramid head is easily one of the all time iconic video game villains, and also one of the most frightening. Admittedly, fans of this guy can prove to be irksome, especially if they are mainly familiar with the movie version of him. And sure, at times he may seem a bit overrated, but anyone who's played Silent Hill 2 knows that he didn't get his reputation for nothing. This bizarre character wields a huge knife that's so heavy, even he must drag it behind him. Sure, he may be slow, but if that knife does hit you...that's it. It's over. Not only that, but he follows you for the entirety of the game, the very embodiment of punishment. You may call him Pyramid Head, you may call him Crimson Pyramid, but you could also accurately call him the Executioner. No matter where you go, he's waiting for you, an unstoppable wraith hell bent on making you pay for your sins. The giant pyramid which makes up what you know to be his head conceals intentions and thought in a fortess of mystery, as he slowly approaches to put you down for all time. Encountering him in a tight space is the stuff of nightmares, and naturally is the way in which you will most often meet him. The battle you have with him early in the game in the stairwell will have you in a death grip of stress, as you are always no more than a foot or two out of the reach of his Great Knife, vieing for any position that may or may not be available. You'll put clip after clip of bullets in his head before he finally retreats, waiting to confront you again at a later time. And that's the truly horrifying part about Pyramid head. It's not so much having to see or fight him. It's that you KNOW he's going to come back. But you won't know where, and you won't know when.

1. Sinistar (Sinistar, Arcade Coin-Op) 

 "Run, Coward! Run Run Run!" There's only one thing worse than a giant, interstellar juggernaut chasing you down and hell bent on catching and devouring you. It's hearing him tell you about it. Yes, Sinistar is the original badass of the video game world and with good reason. Never before had a video game villain had such personality and such charisma while being so unstoppable. The idea of Sinistar is that aliens are working to build a huge monster known as the Sinistar, a demonic face among a circular border which flies powerfully and without inhibition throughout the universe. To destroy this beast, you must take your tiny ship and shoot planetoids to mine crystals to make Sinibombs, made from the same crystals which are used to build Sinistar, himself. There is no time to fool around. The sounds of Sinistar's construction act as a ticking clock of sorts as you race to be ready for the monster once he is completed. "Beware, I live!" exclaims Sinistar from somewhere deep in space as he announces his own completion. You pray that you have enough bombs to smash the Sinistar as you race away, Sinistar hot in pursuit. "I hunger, coward!" He shouts, revealing his intentions. "Run, coward!" As the huge monster comes closer, you shoot off all of your Sinibombs. You hear his terrifying screams as the bombs connect. He has taken damage but a moment later you come to the heart-sinking realization that not all of the bombs connected, having been intercepted by planetoids and smaller aliens. And now Sinistar is after you, chasing you down with no distraction, no diversion, and no mercy, knocking planetoids out of his way as if they were mere marbles. He's right behind you, as you race as fast as you can into endless space, twisting and turning, unable to shake him. What will you do? The answer - nothing. You can do nothing now. Inevitably, Sinistar will catch up to you. "RAAAAAARGGHHH!" he roars as your ship spins out of control and is pulled to his mouth as if caught in a tractor beam. Finally, as you enter that terrible maw, his teeth snap snap down, shattering your ship into dozens of tiny pieces. Approximate play time: 35 seconds. It's hard to believe a game like this was available in 1982, and it's even harder to believe the cult following it still has, today. There is perhaps no game that imbodies a seemingly inescapable chase better. Perhaps no other game can instill this kind of stress and fear in the player, either. Sinistar was a game that was well ahead of its time, and Sinistar is a villain that simply can't be matched as a character or a villain. Sure, you can destroy him. But he'll be back. And one way or another...he's gonna get you. Although this character and game may not be expected by many contemporary gamers, fanw of classic gaming, know Sinistar truly deserves to enjoy the top tier of the scariest video game monsters/villains of all time. He was groundbreaking, he was legendary, and most of all...he was terrifying.


When it originally appeared this list was largely written by regular contributor Richard, this 2013 reboot has been edited with a more general tone.

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Top Ten Most Hardcore Games of All Time

Sometimes when you want to test your mettle as a gamer nothing but the most hardcore intense experience will give you the adrenaline rush you're looking for. So if you've walked out of Black Mesa without a scratch, tea-bagged an army of Master Chiefs, and sent every Nazi and Nazi zombie straight back to hell, this list is for you. We've compiled a list of the 10 most extreme games ever to ever hit gaming, they'll chew you up and spit you out, leaving you crying for your mommy.

10. Katamari Damacy (PS2): Katamari puts the ultimate power of the gods in your hands, you create the very cosmos! You're tasked with taking your studded sphere of mayhem onto the earth rolling over everything in your path and crushing it into a sick twisted melange of debris, broken dreams, and lost souls. The Prince lets nothing stand in the way of his gruesome tasks, not the humans begging for their lives or the animals crying out in pain. Once you've collected enough of the detritus of earth, your grim collection is callously tossed into the sky. This macabre mass becomes the next burning star or wandering planet, with no regard for the victims are still visibly struggling to break free. Worse still, even if the prince fails in his duties, our hapless earth dwellers are given no respite, as the unimaginably evil so-called "King of All Cosmos" shoots them into meaningless star dust before sending you back out on your grisly collection quest until you get the job right.

These poor bastards never had a chance.

9. Tetris Attack(SNES): Terrifying stars, ass-whoopin' hearts, extreme rhombi, you name it, this killer's got it. Using your Panel Annihilation Device, you swap those bastards back and forth until you force three together, the resulting explosion so devastating, bits of star and heart guts fly almost right off the screen. If that weren't enough to have you on your knees, begging your God for mercy, blocks with grimacing faces slam down on top of your stack. These titans imposing their dark will on your helpless panels following devastating combo attacks from your  terrifying opponents ranging from hideous, earless dogs to one very pissed off butterfly. Only the toughest SOB's in the world will come out of this game in one piece.

It's like Lucky Charms on steroids.

8. Pac-Man 2 (Genesis/SNES): Pac-Man returns in this vicious sequel to the brutal original, and he's kicking more ass than ever before. The game starts off with infiltrating a rotting farm to rip the milk right out of a cow, and our little yellow badass continues the debauchery from there. He scales a gigantic mountain of death and braving ungodly horrifying ghosts in an attempt to pick a wildflower for little Suzy.  As you press on into the dark and dirty streets Pac-Man will do the most intense skateboarding  you'll see outside of the X Games, Find the sweetest electric guitar in Pac-land, and  the most thrilling death-defying Arial acrobatics we've seen on hang glider since Pilot Wings.  And that's only the beginning, the carnage only grows from there! The game culminates in a show down at the most horrifying place on earth, the gum factory! You've got to hit the ground running in this thriller that could arguably be called one of the most suspenseful games of all time.

Pac-Man is ready to lay the smack down.

7. Animal Crossing(Gamecube): Nintendo is well known for its profanity-laced and gory games, but Animal Crossing just may be the definitive title of the company's commitment to badassary. You're new in town and get taken for a ride by  local "businessman" Tom Nook, instantly finding yourself deeply in debt and forced into doing Tom's business. From making "deliveries", to posting "messages" in the town square, to doing a little "planting", you're in deep. But even after you've freed yourself from Nook's debt you're still scouring the town and sometimes even shaking down it's residents for goodies you sell to Tom Nook for top-bell. If you don't play by the rules, you'll find yourself visited by the town's "enforcer",  Resetti, who doesn't merely threaten to break your legs, he threatens to erase your whole life. You'll find yourself doing anything to make those sweet sacks of jinglers and ultimately survive, be it pulling rusted cans from the river, being a courier for your animal clients or using the mail in ways you never thought possible, your adrenaline is always pumping in this thrilling title where it's just you against one bad, nasty town.

Tom Nook's not running a freakin' charity here

6. Mario is Missing(SNES): A quest around the world turns into a quest into hell for Luigi as he tries to track down his brother Mario who's gone missing under mysterious circumstances. Luigi finds himself face to face with the sleazy chicks and big studs roaming the mean streets of Paris, Rome, and Beijing. They're been watching and they're waiting for him. They're primed and ready to pounce, educating your sorry ass on any number of horrifying ancient artifacts before turning you back out onto the mean streets. Surviving these encounters is only the first step, so you'd better hope those facts were beat into you because only a grueling quiz will allow you to continue your search. If you fail you've got to restlessly hit the streets again until you "learned your lesson". History isn't here to repeat itself, this time it's just here to kick your ass.

Luigi has to separate the double talk and code words from the truth.

5. Mario Paint: Painting. Animation. Music Composing. Flyswatting. Arguably four of the most hardcore activities ever conceived by our sick ancestors collide in a fiery explosion of utter chaos with a Marioesque twist. Using pens, spray cans, flood filling and even more devastating tools, the player splatters a image on the screen with such reckless abandon, it's a wonder how they manage to stay upright. The truly insane will take it to the next level, stringing together their unholy imagery, using what can only be described as the blackest of magic,  to make it MOVE before their very eyes! If they get through the animation alive, it's time to put some music together, using cats, tugboats, baby heads and even more diabolical objects to concoct a frenetic cacophony that stretches the very limits of extreme. The perverse technology utilized in this maddening title allows you to take that painted image, take that animation, take that song you created and put it all together in one messy, dripping, hanging-off-the-bone collaboration of utter chaos that's certain to destroy the senses of even the most hardened gamers. And you haven't even gotten to the game where you swat bugs, yet.

Mario Paint? More like MARIO PAIN!

4. Barbie's Vacation Adventure(SNES/Genesis): One would think a game about a super model would deal with the horrors of eating disorders, drug addictions or sleazy industry insiders. But the early Barbie games eschew those stereotypes and bring you even more edgy fare. From Navigating the twisted world of Barbie's dreams in Barbie on the NES, to watching American's first badass woman claw her way to the top of the Fashion World, in Barbie's Super Model. None of the titles are for the feint of heart, but for the true badasses among us, Barbie's vacation adventures kicks things up a notch. This title opts for an expose of what happens when a super model is left alone in the backwaters of America. From the unsettling Deliverance-esque setting of the Iowa county fair where Barbie is watched silently by unseen farmers as she's forced to run after a loose pig in order to gain admittance to their "carnival games"  where she must win the freedom to move on. To her terrifying experiences in the dark and menacing woods of Wyoming where she's attacked by wildlife tossed into a powerful rushing stream, left cold, wet and frightened. When Barbie manages to escape back to her California Mansion the Nightmare deepens when she's faced with a clearly demon-possessed Ken who speaks only in riddles, and enters and exits rooms in ways that can only be attributed to dark powers. Once she's bested Ken's mind games, you're rewarded with a series of unexplained still shots leaving you with a myriad unanswered questions, but too scared to draw your own conclusions.

I bet I can make ya squeal like a piggy

3. Reel Fishing (PS1): The unbridled INTENSITY of brooks, ponds, and the big daddy of all fresh-water angling - THE LAKE can be matched only by the extreme monsters that live in these intense environments, THE FISH!! In Reel fishing, these swimming demons didn't care who you are or where you came from. If you come to their water with a pansy stick and weak thread, you'll lose your bait, your hook, and your dignity. The Char are sinister, the bass are brutal, and the cutthroat trout are just plain bad. At times you can't tell if you're fishing or fighting in a prison riot. All of this mayhem is set to a KILLER soundtrack that will kick your sorry ass even harder than the bitterling!

The true face of evil

2. Seasame Street 1-2-3: Ernie's Magic Shapes and Asro Grover (NES): This cartridge gives you a double shot of power with 2 hardcore games stuffed into one package. Think you know a square when you see it? Think circles are something to sneeze at? Well tough guy, Grand Wizard Ernie's got a few trapezoids for your punk ass, and if you're not careful this manic magician's gonna stick 'em right where the sun don't shine. And whatever left of you certainly won't have a chance in hell of crafting that train. So if triangles have a way of making a wuss out of you, perhaps you should try your luck with with the numbers, courtesy of Spaceman Grover. Astro Grover is like a mathematical punch to the face. Counting little green men might seem easy enough for you, but try developing a ghetto city-block with the power of math alone. You'd better have your head screwed on right, because if you fail to count 7, let me tell you buddy, your luck's run out. That moon over the city does not tolerate failure and not even NASA can save you from a run in with the Lunar Lunatic.

YOU GONNA GET IT!

1. Flower (PS3): Only a Hardcore system like the PS3 could bring you the most hardcore game the world has ever seen. In flower you control one of the most destructive forces on earth, the wind. Flower is for hardcore gamers only, so it doesn't mess around giving you a bunch of needless instructions or text to read. You pull yourself up by the bootstraps and forge your own way through the game's harsh environment as you learn to harness the deadly power of nature. You start by using your power of the gales to tear apart every flower  ripping off their petals and leading them on a death march through desolate fields, past terrifying turbines and culminating in ripping through a decrepit cityscape. Flower's intelligent soundtrack changes tone and intensity with every heart-pounding, anxiety inducing move you make, adding a layer of extreme intensity like nothing you've experienced before. You might think you're a gamer but no amount of experience PvP sniping, Zombie Killing, alien dismembering or street hustling can prepare you for Flower.

Make those whirling blades of death dance!

So this April 1st challenge yourself to earn your gamer cred by playing one of the above games and go down in history as one of gaming's hardcore legends.


~Stephanie and Richard


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Top 10 Female Videogame Characters who are a lot more than T&A

Let me start off this list with saying that I am a gamer and a girl, but that doesn't mean I hate every single busty super sexualized female character. I absolutely adore Ivy in the Soul Calibur series and while she certainly could beat the crap out of anyone who dared ogle her, no one can argue her character design is totally based on T and A, huge uncovered jiggling masses of T and A frankly. Also, I recently bought a copy of DOA: Extreme Beach Volleyball, which is based almost entirely based on watching jiggly scantily clad young ladies run around on sun soaked beaches, I mean there's the "hopping game" as mini-game for goodness sake. In my defense, I like extreme beach volleyball for the dating sim aspect, though that asshole Christie is always throwing away my presents... but I digress. The point is, I'm not making this list to villainize the sexy girls of video gaming. It's just that when a female character happens to be well developed as a whole rather than just in her chest area, it's a nice surprise.

Let me also add the caveat this only applies to characters in games I'm really familiar with so there's no Alyx Vance for example, because I never got into to Half Life 2. I also avoided characters who didn't originate in video games, are anthro, or who are robots/holograms/otherwise abiotic.

So, onto the list (some minor spoilers):

10. Lucca, Chrono Trigger:

Lucca is a genius inventor who carries a big gun, casts amazing fire attacks and is pretty much responsible for saving the world. (If not for Lucca's malfunctioning transporter Chrono and crew would have never known about Lavos)  She pretty much constantly saves the party's ass by being the only one smart enough to figure out how to overcome the things they encounter that can't be simply beaten into submission. Lucca is kind of lacking in the stats department, but luckily her father makes a variety of special items that help compensate for that. I'd like to complain about her needing her daddy to fix her problems, but I feel confident that she could design her own armor if she wasn't so busy doing anything even remotely intellectual in the party.  In spite of her weak base stats Lucca  has some pretty powerful magic though, she is essential to both the strongest  triple tech attacks in the game(Dark eternal and Omega Flare), the strongest double tech in he game (antipode 3) and her single tech, Flare, is the second strongest single tech in the game, so she's certainly not lacking attack power (unless it's a monster with magic resistance).

Unfortunately in spite of  her awesome qualifications she also gets relegated to being your archetypical smart nerdy girl in many ways. Short Hair, Check. Baggy clothes, Check. Glasses, Check. Never the main love interest, Check. Being a glasses sporting female genius who isn't romantically interested in her childhood friend isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just that it's so cliched and honestly Lucca deserves better than a sorry cliche. Though, in spite of being at least 70% walking cliche she still manages to be a pretty admirable character.

 9. Carmen Sandiego, Where in the World/Time/Space is Carmen Sandiego:

The first Carmen Sandiego game came out in 1985, meaning Carmen has managed to be the world's greatest master thief for the last 30+ years. I've played a lot of Carmen Sandiego, I mean hours and hours of my life have been spent on the many incarnations of that game and not once have I ever been able to catch Carmen, I've caught enough VILE henchmen to fill 10 prisons, but never the mastermind herself. Carmen's future and Carmen's past are shrouded in a mystery kind of like Carmen herself. She never appears without her trademark trench coat and red fedora (and ruby necklace if you believe the dossieres, though I don't recall seeing it on her) so you only catch glimpses of her face, but for a lady who lives in the shadows she's built a great empire for herself. Carmen Sandiego is the premier name in Educational games, she's lent her name video games, books, TV shows, and board games. Tons of kids grow up aspiring to be the one to put Carmen behind bars. Maybe master thief isn't the most positive career choice in the world, but Carmen does it well, entertaining us and educating us in the process.

8. Chun-Li, Street fighter Series:

Chun-Li is one of the first really recognizable token female characters. First appearing in Street fighter II in 1991 along with 7 male "world warriors" and was the first female playable character in a fighting game. In spite of being the token girl Chun-Li is consistently portrayed as being strong, muscular and capable of holding her own with the boys. In subsequent games she's been joined by a full roster of female fighters, but she's usually the only one who's fully dressed, as apparently for the "strongest woman in the world" the chain mail bikini principal does not apply. Sure there's a wealth of Chun-Li bikini figures endlessly flowing out of Japan and a few questionable alternative costumes so there's no denying she's sexy but she generally errs more on the side of badass. Chun-Li isn't just the first token girl though, she's a face of the game and often voted as the most popular characters in the entire franchise, beating out even Ryu and Ken. In her earliest incarnations she was a bit weaker than the rest of the roster, but over the years she's developed into one of the most solid and consistent fighters on the roster.


7. Sniper Wolf, Metal Gear Solid:

I have to note sniper wolf definitely has sex appeal built right into her character design, there's zero reason for her to be running around half unzipped in the snow other than gamers like boobies. But she's a lot more than a busty girl with a bug gun.  She's a world class assassin supposedly able to wait days, even weeks for a target without moving or eating, while she doesn't have to wait that long for Snake and Meryl to wander out into the open, she proves what a single well placed shot can do to ruin your day. When Snake encounters her a second time, she proves that she's also a master of camouflage perfectly blending into to the snow field during your battle. All of the foxhound members that are part of the Shadow Moses uprising have interesting back stories, but Wolf's is a little more developed than most. She's not just a run of the mill super warrior Snake manages to best, she's a believable multi-facted person who just happens to be deadly.


6. Jill Valentine, Resident Evil 1:

Jill has evolved over the years to include a lot more T and A and have a lot less character development and depth, which is why I'm only citing the original game. In RE1 Jill's default outfit is pretty unflattering, not to the point where it makes her ugly, but it's pretty far from fan service. She also is one of the strongest members of her elite team of mercenaries, being one of a few that survives the excursion into the mansion. She also is one of the few female characters in the video game universe who can not only keep up with the boys, but she is much more useful than her male counterpart. Unlike Chris, she has a bigger inventory, plays piano and is the master of unlocking. She does fall victim damsel in distress syndrome a number of times requiring Barry to keep her from becoming a "Jill sandwich". However, because of Barry she doesn't have to carry around a bunch of  useless items in limited inventory space unlike poor Chris, so it's kind of a positive in this case. In spite of needing the occasional saving, Jill  is still a pretty kick ass character. She manages to mostly hold her own in mansion swarming with zombies, and defeats the nasty human civilization threatening bosses mostly unassisted.

5. Lara Croft Tomb Raider Series:

I have to point out that Lara is totally a sex symbol, she's been redesigned to be more "normal" now but she's still got an awful lot of T and a good amount of A bobbing across the screen. But being sexy doesn't mean you can't be a well developed interesting character and Lara actually does have a lot more going for her than her cup size. She's smart, strong and independent. Lara struts into ancient tombs all by herself, no silly local guides like the archaeologists use. She starts off armed with her wits, a pair of pistols and world class gymnastic skills. She has the strength to push aside those boulders blocking her entrance to the tomb, the intelligence to solve those insane puzzles ancient peoples seemed to litter their places of worship with, and the marksmanship to take out crazed creatures out for blood while she's doing it.  Should she encounter someone in one of those tombs, Lara doesn't fall in love with them or take it as her cue to wait to be rescued, she usually tells them to get away from her artifacts and GTFO before she starts shooting.

Lara's changed a lot over the years and in her many incarnations, but in spite of being one of the most recognizable sex symbols in all of gaming, she's managed to stay smart, strong and competent.

4. Faris Scherwiz, Final Fantasy V:

Faris is a cross dressing, sword wielding, trash talking pirate captain. Her crew (and the party at first) believes she's male, but she's still so charismatic they fall in love with her anyway. You find out later in the game she's a long lost princess, but she chucks away her royal duties and dress at the first opportunity to go back to being a pirate. If that's not weird (but awesome) enough she also has the highest base stats of any character in the game, a feat which hasn't been seen since the most recent Final Fantasy game. So not only does she have a great character concept and while I'm at it, a pretty fabulous character design, she easily has the best black trench coat in an RPG this side of Sephiroth, but she is undeniably badass. That's not just an opinion there's cold hard numbers to back it up.

3. The Boss, Metal Gear 3: Snake Eater:

The Metal Gear series actually features a pretty large number of well developed capable and confident female characters, as it's a series that really excels in making fully developed  wonderfully realized characters of any gender. The Boss though, has to be one of the most impressive. She influences the entire series, being the director mentor to big boss, and in turn the indirect mentor to solid snake and liquid snake. Not to mention her connection to Ocelot who is consistently causing problems for everyone. Though just being the Metal Gear equivalent of a King maker would be enough, but The Boss is pretty awe inspiring on her own terms. She's the head of the Cobra unit, which contains some of the most intimidating bosses in any of the Metal Gear Games, Co-Created CQC, saved the world from nuclear destruction, gave birth on the battlefield and made battling in a field of flowers completely badass.  In spite of being a main antagonist and intimidating killing machines she's also likeable and you finish the game respecting the hell out of her. She also manages to be pretty and feminine (and not just when her sneaking suit is half zipped) in a slightly more mature and completely believable way. For the most part she embodies everything a well written strong female character should

2. Samus Aran, Metroid Series:

Samus has got to be the mother of all strong female video game characters.  In her first several appearances, she spends most of her time covered head to toe in an impenetrable suit of armor, nary a jiggle to be seen and her profession is bounty hunter, a far cry from things like princess or daughter or girlfriend like most of the female characters of her day. Appearing in the first metroid game in 1986, Samus ran around in her Varia suit looking like the typical one man army in vast nest evil that was so prevalent in that era. Boys who'd NEVER even look at a game with a female protagonist picked up Metroid and if they managed to get one of the right endings, got their mind blown with the knowledge that the badass bounty hunter they'd been using to blow away Space pirates and freaky aliens was perhaps the first non-token female character they'd ever encountered in a game. Notably Samus does appear less than dressed when she's out of her varia suit and the zero suit doesn't leave much to the imagination, but she's spent a good chunk of her decades long career largely unsexualized. Generally speaking, you don't play Metroid because you're thinking about how hot Samus is, you're playing it because she's the most badass bounty hunter in the video game universe.

1. Heather Mason, Silent Hill 3:

Silent Hill is no place for anyone ever, let alone a young girl who hangs out at the mall in her free time, but Heather doesn't care. Unlike most of other protagonist in the series Heather doesn't go into the accursed town looking for ghost stories and giggles, Silent Hill comes to her full force. Instead of cowering in a corner and crying like any sensible person would do, she hesitates enough to be human, then picks up a gun and starts blowing away the nightmare fuel so she can make her way home. Arriving home with her world turned upside down, she doesn't take this opportunity to cry or breakdown or get someone to fix it for her. Instead, she vows revenge on the whole evil town and goes out to take care of business.

Heather is one of the most believable game characters of any gender. One of the few characters who when faced with insurmountable odds and a mind blowingly awful situation doesn't just spout manly one-liners, ask inane questions, or mindlessly stick her hands where no thinking person would. Heather basically tells you: Look, that nasty pile of  bloody monster parts on the stretcher, yeah it's upsetting and I'm certainly not touching it, but I don't have time to be upset by it right now, get back to me later and I'm sure I'll have some words for it.  Heather manages to be feminine in her sporty skirt and vest combo, without being distractingly sexy and manages to be strong without any of the sometimes grating (even for another woman) archetypical strong female character traits. Overall, Heather's gender is about as important as her shoe size. It's a part of her, but doesn't define her life or her character. That her gender is so gloriously unimportant, is one of the things that makes her one of the best portrayals of a woman in any video game ever.


~Stephanie

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The Top Ten Scariest Video Game Monsters and Villians of All Time

With the exception of initial input, this entire post was thought up and brought to life by regular contributor Richard.

Video games have an opportunity to provide us with horror in ways that television and film can not. A video game can put us in control, make us decide our fate and the best way to try and escape a deadly nightmare. And on that journey we will find monsters and villains that truly left an exclamation point. Here I have compiled a list of what I feel to the ten scariest video game monsters. For one reason or another, I believe that these characters have something to offer a true horror fan, even if sometimes you have to dig deep to see it. After all, horror is nothing without imagination, if newer horror films and fans are any indication. So with nothing else to say, let's get right into it. Don't lose your head.

The Top Ten Scariest Video Game Monsters and Villians of All Time

10. The W Star (Drahkken, SNES) - So to claim anything scary can happen in this particular title may seem odd at first, but there are a few moments that are noteworthy at least to nerds as big as me and my circle. Drahkken is an old RPG from the early nineties which tried to utilize a three-dimensional, first person environment. It wasn't exactly successful but did make the game unique for it's time. One thing the game would do is change the time of day as you were playing. Once nightfall hit is when some shit would really start to go down. The player would notice the many stars in the sky, shining quite brightly. As you trek forward you may notice a W-shaped set of stars in the sky. Thinking nothing of it, you continue on. And then suddenly, those stars start to move, flapping up and down like some kind of crazy bird while a creepy music tone on a downward scale begins to play. Then suddenly you hear a loud, low sounding "boom," and everything stops of a second. Then out of nowhere, a flying creature with a skulllike head comes careening out of the sky and attacks. You inevitable think "What the HELL is that?!" and proceed to fight this thing, hoping you're leveled up enough to take it on. This occurance actually happens with multiple sets of stars in this game but the very first time we saw it was with the W-set, earning the name we gave it, the W Star. No matter how much you get used to this, it's always bizarre and unexpected granting it a place on this list.

9. The Cyberdemon (DOOM, PC) - One of the greatest first-person bosses of all time in arguable the greatest first person shooter of all time. As you first enter his level, noting the dead Barons chained up on the wall (which, before this point you assume are the baddest thing on two legs), the Cyberdemon will likely first make his presence known to you once you open one of the four doors leading to the exterior of his arena-like stage, and see the flaming skulls known as lost souls. Inevitably, you will sneer at this relatively simple and weak monster, and take it out with your shotgun. However, upon the first shot of your rifle ringing out into the air, you'll hear a staggering and terrifying roar from an unknown source, followed by an unknown "crash-BOOM!" sound which continuously repeats. You realize something else is here with you. And it is big. And it is coming for you. What will likely happen next is that you will step out into the open area, turn a corner or two, and in the distance you'll see something. "What the fuck is - " will likely be all you have time to think before a missle comes flying right into your face, instantly splattering you all over Hell's floor. Although it's hard to get close enough for a look, the Cyberdemon gets his name from the steel, cybernetic right leg he sports and the rocket launcher which is inexplicably attached to his left arm. The rest of this towering hell beast includes a hooved left leg, huge black horns on the sides of his head, and all kinds of red, bloody wires sticking in and out of him. It's not good enough that all of Hell is trying to tear you apart, but now they're using human cybernetic technology to do it with. What makes the Cyberdemon so terrifying is that he's incredibly large, incredibly strong, and is essentially equipped with a one hit kill. I mean okay, if you have 200% health, Doom Guy might take the first hit, but he's probably not takin' that second hit. Only experienced players can go toe-to-toe with this behemoth, the rest of you will have to run for you life, taking it whatever shots become available to you. The goat-legged Cyberdemon's discouraging endurance, terrifying attack power and horrifying looks give him a sure position among scariest video game monsters.

8. Michael Myers (Halloween, Atari 2600) - It might seem laughably improbable that an Atari game could do anything in the way of scaring you, but here me out, here. In this game, you essentially wander a house which is a series of hallways, taking children to the safe rooms and looking for a weapon. Meanwhile, every time you enter a room (other than safe rooms) within seconds you'll be confronted by Michael Myers, with an Atari-appropriate version of the classic Halloween theme playing during his screen time, "Dee doo doo dee doo doo dee doo dee doo dee doo doo dee doo doo..." as the collection of pixels known as Michael Myers stalks towards you in a constant stabbing motion with the four or five white pixels that make up his "knife." If he gets you, you'll enjoy a rather humorous animation of your female character running frantically with her head cut off, red dots spewing from her neck. Michael will also decapitate the children if you let him, and I do mean "if you let him," as the game allows you to grab onto the children to take them to safe rooms for points, but you may also decide to use them as bait, as Michael seems more interested in killing them rather than you. So at first this isn't scary, just silly. But as levels progress, and you continue to stab Myers with the black knife you can't seem to hold on to, he gets faster and most aggressive until soon, you can barely outrun him. What's worse is that you'll enter rooms with faulty "wiring" causing the screen to flash from normal to pitch black while Michael's in the room with you. "Oh God, where am I?" you'll wonder and you hope to have run past the derranged mad man, only to find yourself headless once the lights come back on. With time, Michael Myers will make this one of your most stressful experiences in gaming.

7. Mr. Graves (Haunted House, Atari 2600) - And yet another Atari release. This time, you are in yes, a haunted house, trying to escape with all of the pieces of the urn of Mr. Graves. You enter said dead man's mansion and wander around, your character only being a part of eyes. You hit the button to light a match which will give you a small orb of visibility. Only with the match lit can you find items and realistically navigate the black squares and lines that make up this house. So when entering certain floors, you may hear an intimidating noise which could be either thunder or wind. Then suddenly, the ghost of Mr. Graves appears and he blows out your match as he chases you down! Sure, he may look like one of those sheet-wearing ghosts from the cartoons, but this guy's not playing around. Something about the speed and frantically waving arms of this character just gets you all high strung and desperate to escape. Should Mr. Graves, or any of his buddies such as the bat or spider touch you, your little eyes will violently roll around as thunder and lightning strike, costing you one life. This game is considered to be a classic and even prompted a remake on the Wii under the same name.

6. Jason (Friday the 13th, NES) - The Hockey Masked killer we all know and love would get his own video game back in the day, even if it wasn't EXACTLY the best piece of media you could own. One thing that couldn't be denied however is that this game could certainly get a cheap scare in on you. The main idea was that you wandered camp Crystal Lake, killing zombies, wolves, bats, and birds until an alarm would sound, indicating that Jason was attacking either the campers or a fellow counselor. You'd check the map to see which cabin was in distress and race to the location before time ran out. Upon reaching the cabin, the inhabitant(s) would thank you for coming, and then you'd search the cabin in pseudo-3D mode. This is where the scare would take place. As you turned corners and advanced forward, eerie but calm music would play as you found a lot of corners and spaces. And then without warning, a loud and horrifying noise would blare and boom, there's Jason, trying to punch, slice, or axe you to death. You'd use whatever projectile you have to try and defeat him while dodging his attacks, repeating this entire process once he's gone. But Jason doesn't only appear in cabins. Without warning, you can be walking along the dirt road, totally care-free (as the zombies are annoying but far from scary), and them BAM - it's Jason! Hurling axes at you will sporting his baby blue hockey mask and purple jogging suit. Look, I assure you, it IS scary, sometimes. Especially when Jason is randomly in a cabin that isn't even inhabited which DOES happen, which is sort of the genuis of this game. Even if he looks silly, Jason IS very unpredictable and can get the jump on you like he did so many randy teenagers in his classic films. This game will never be noted for it's quality but is noted for its intense difficulty. Taking down Jason is a slow, methodical process that spans three "days" and will likely be fruitless for you in the end.

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE DEAD. GAME OVER.

5. Nemesis (Resident Evil III, Playstation) - This is a character that I myself have never met, but have heard much about. I have never played a Resident Evil game, save for the weird one on the Gameboy Color, so I'm going by what my sister has told me about this guy. In essence, as you play through this game, you are constantly being stalked by Nemesis, a mutated version of Tyrant, or in other words, a big fucking zombie. However, unlike Tyrant, Nemesis has a rocket launcher. How fun. Now when I say "constantly being stalked," I do mean that. At every point in the game you're essentially running from him, and he's never too far away. He'll bust through doors and crash through walls to get to you, all the while never quickening his step beyond a walk. There's nothing like the feeling of constantly being chased, and Nemesis will never allow you a moment of ease, making him a high ranking monster in the video game world and on this list, even if I myself have never met him.

4. Sae (Fatal Frame II, Playstation 2) - This is another example of a character and game I've never experienced, but just hearing about this awful child is chilling in and of itself. The idea of Fatal Frame is that you are attacked by ghosts and aparitions, but you cannot attack them, merely snap pictures of them to harm them. So when you take the powerlessness of that situation, tack on the detail of not having even your camera, and then include a demonic ghost child which will kill you instantly with just a touch, you've got yourself a game that even a horror fan such as myself is not necessarily eager to try and tackle. What happens is that you're in a labrynthine area full of dead ends and little hope. Sae, an evil 15 year old girl who was hung for ritual sacrifice, stalks you while eliciting horrifying laughs and a exhibiting a taste for death. Go ahead, run into a different, close the door behind you. Sae will open it up and follow you right in there. Hide in a closet, hope for the best, but if she thinks he knows where you are, she'll open that door right up. In the split second opportunity you'll have to run, you'd better hope you don't find a dead end, or you will indeed be finished. You can't kill her, you can't hurt her, you can only run. And in most instances, you'll only be delaying the inevitable. This very situation taps into my greatest type of fear when it comes to gaming, and for that reason, even if I am unfamiliar with this character and series, Sae ranks highly on this list.

3. Piggsy (Manhunt, Playstation 2) - "Holy Shit!" is the first thing I remember saying when I first encountered Piggsy at the end of what I often call my second favorite video game of all time, Manhunt. You get the Leatherface experience with this character in slightly different packaging. Piggsy is a crazed, naked man who wears a pig's head as a mask, starring in many snuff films by Lionel Starkweather, an ex direction who essentially owns the city of Carcer. Oh, and I forgot to mention, as you'll find while you're walking down the seemingly quiet hallway of a dilapidated attic-like area of Starkweather's mansion, Piggsy also has a loud, powerful and huge fucking chainsaw, which he introduces to you by running right at you from behind a corner, revving it up while screaming at you. Again, "Holy shit!" Instantly you'll run for the fucking hills while this obese man somehow manages to give you a frantic and brain-scrambling chase, the chainsaw roaring hungrily for your blood. With luck you'll find a shadowed area to hide in, while Piggsy stands just a few feet in front of you, searching the area as the motor of his massive-bladed chainsaw idles, intimidatingly. In fact, Piggsy may even try and trick you into dashing out into the open by revving up the chainsaw once again, even if he doesn't actually know where you are. In time, he'll lumber away to search elsewhere. You'll spend the first several moments of this time paralyzed with fear. When you can blink again, you may inch out of your hiding spot and take the nearby glass shard, trying to see if you can spot the location of the chainsaw-wielding maniac in the distance. You'll turn slightly, looking in a difference, direction, completely unaware than Piggsy has once again caught side of you from another angle until that saw revs up again and he charges you. As your brain and hands freeze in horror, you hope your mental capacity return in just enough enough for you to hold down that run button and get the hell out of there....

2. Pyramid Head (Silent Hill 2, Playstation 2) - Pyramid head is easily one of the all time iconic video game villains, and also one of the most frightening. Admittedly, fans of this guy can prove to be irksome, especially if they are mainly familiar with the movie version of him. And sure, at times he may seem a bit overrated, but anyone who's truly played Silent Hill 2 knows that he didn't get his reputation for nothing. This bizarre character wields a huge knife that's so heavy, even he must drag it behind him. Sure, he may be slow, but if that knife does hit you...that's it. It's over. Not only that, but he follows you for the entirety of the game, the very embodiment of punishment. You may call him Pyramid Head, you may call him Crimson Pyramid, but you could also accurately call him the Executioner. No matter where you go, he's waiting for you, an unstoppable wraith hell bent on making you pay for your sins. The giant pyramid which makes up what you know to be his head conceals intentions and thought in a fortess of mystery, as he slowly approaches to put you down for all time. Encountering him in a tight space is the stuff of nightmares, and naturally is the way in which you will most often meet him. The battle you have with him early in the game in the stairwell will have you in a death drip of stress, as you are always no more than a foot or two out of the reach of his Great Knife, vieing for any position that may or may not be available. You'll put clip after clip of bullets in his head before he finally retreats, waiting to confront you again at a later time. And that's the truly horrifying part about Pyramid head. It's not so much having to see or fight him. It's that you KNOW he's going to come back. But you won't know where, and you won't know when. Pyramid Head would be a gross oversight if he were to be omitted from this collection, and although it may be a surprise to most that he doesn't make up the crown of this list, it is certainly expected of him to be positioned very high in the world of video game monsters.

1. Sinistar (Sinistar, Arcade Coin-Op) - "Run, Coward! Run Run Run!" There's only one thing worse than a giant, interstellar juggernaut chasing you down, hell bent on catching and devouring you. And that's hearing him tell you about it. Yes, Sinistar is the original badass of the video game world and with good reason. Never before had a video game villain had such personality and such charisma while being so unstoppable. The idea of Sinistar is that aliens are working to build a huge monster known as the Sinistar, a demonic face among a circular border which flies powerfully and without inhibition throughout the universe. To destroy this beast, you must take your tiny ship and shoot planetoids to mine crystals to make Sinibombs, made from the same crystals which are used to build Sinistar, himself. There is no time to fool around. The sounds of Sinistar's construction act as a ticking clock of sorts as you race to be ready for the monster once he is completed. "Beware, I live!" exclaims Sinistar from somewhere deep in space as he announces his own completion. You pray that you have enough bombs to smash the Sinistar as you race away, Sinistar hot in pursuit. "I hunger, coward!" He shouts, revealing his intentions. "Run, coward!" As the huge monster comes closer, you shoot off all of your Sinibombs. You hear his terrifying screams as the bombs connect. He has taken damage but a moment later you come to the heart-sinking realization that not all of the bombs connected, having been intercepted by planetoids and smaller aliens. And now Sinistar is after you, chasing you down with no distraction, no diversion, and no mercy, knocking planetoids out of his way as if they were mere marbles. He's right behind you, as you race as fast as you can into endless space, twisting and turning, unable to shake him. What will you do? The answer - nothing. You can do nothing now. Inevitably, Sinistar will catch up to you. "RAAAAAARGGHHH!" he roars as your ship spins out of control and is pulled to his mouth as if caught in a tractor beam. Finally, as you enter that terrible maw, his teeth snap snap down, shattering your ship into dozens of tiny pieces. Approximate play time: 35 seconds. It's hard to believe a game like this was available in 1982, and it's even harder to believe the cult following it still has, today. There is perhaps no game that imbodies a seemingly inescapable chase such as Midway's classic Sinistar. Perhaps no other game can instill this kind of stress and fear in the player, either. Sinistar was a game that was well ahead of its time, and Sinistar is a villain that simply can't be matched as a character or a villain. Sure, you can destroy him. But he'll be back. And one way or another...he's gonna get you. Although this character and game may not be expected by many comtempary gamers (better known as 'posers'), as a fan of classic gaming, I feel that Sinistar truly deserves to enjoy the top tier of the scariest video game monsters/villains of all time. He was groundbreaking, he was legendary, and most of all...he was terrifying.

~Richard


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